What I Learned Today Is...

Half a dramamine tablet an hour and a half before a dentist visit does not make Roarke go to sleep. He will still force you to pry his mouth open for impressions while you´ve contorted your body to restrain his in a very small dental chair. After that scene, female dentists in Mexico are reasonable, ni modo, come back in six months and we´ll try agin, $150 pesos($10 USD roughly) for impressions. Are you kidding me? These are the most sane dentists I´ve ever met, don´t traumatize a kid and don´t gouge a parent. Half a dramamine does knock Roarke out 3 hours later, into a scary deep sleep, that just isn´t right. He is also sleepy the rest of the day, making for bad attitudes. The cure for that is Martha being in charge an abandoned tire and a steep driveway. Which makes Roarke even more tired, hence, my blogging early. Hooray?!

Second lesson of the day came with the junta for Sebastian´s 2º grade at Los Charcos. I am a terrible Waldorf student. When did I forget to play the flute, the air has to come out just right you know. Simple math like counting by 3´s...there is so much counting while moving your body I get confused, along with the other parents, I am grateful for that. One man said "I just can´t." Can´t what? Do what your kid does everyday? That should be required. We ask so much out of our children, sit down, be quiet, what does this equal, how do you say this..., how would you do that...think, pay attention, look at the world around you, listen to your heart. Shouldn´t we also be prepared to observe their day as they experience it? Now I know why Sebastian´s head wants to explode when he comes home, thinking outside of the box is hard. I´m asking my kids to do it, I should pay them the courtesy of walking with them.

Lost Teeth and Some More Help

Well, Roarke lost not one but two teeth. Because he always has to out-do his siblings? Hmm...I´m not sure but he is a fierce risk tasker and the stakes run higher then, don´t they? So today is the first day my three year old woke up looking like a boxer. Here´s how it happened: We went to Los Charcos to put in our time with manualidades, that´s hand crafts for you English speakers, and stop laughing at me because you know my secret that I suck at crafts. The task was to make a lot of piñatas for sale at the Los Charcos Christmas Bazaar. Literally, I was 2 minutes from being finished, we had been there for 4 hours and were ready to go. In those two minutes, Roarke ran outside to play a sort of keep-away game fell and smashed the right side of his face into a tree stump. Out came two teeth, roots still intact.

For those of you that may not know, Sebastian lost his left front tooth in a weird accident November 11, 2001. Seven years and 11 days later...baby brother tops his loss. Did I mention I had a crappy week? Oh yes, there have been many real life saints along the way but something about this loss was the breaking point for me. Really, what are two teeth? Baby teeth at that, you put them under a pillow and the tooth fairy comes, víola, everyone is happy. However, the loss of teeth is following this theme of broken things, to the extreme, in my life. My circuits are overloaded, I need some new circuit breakers, thank you very much.

Iretí, Roarke´s teacher from school, held him on the way to the dentist. How my heart did weep, for Richard and myself. One of us should have been holding him, not just driving. How Roarke did cry; "Mommy, I´m tired! I want to sleep on your shoulder." I drove with precision and speed that I had not encountered before, in Mexico anyway. If I could just get to the dentist, I could hold him and offer comfort. Iretí was a constant reminder to slow down, breathe, everything would be okay, put on a face of tranquility for your child. Everything was okay, no lost life or limbs, no need for panic. Roarke was a champ through x-rays and sitting on my lap and when we were done, this is what he said:

R: "I wanted to loose two teeth, mommy. Will the ratoncito (Mexican equivalent of the tooth fairy) visit me?"
Me: "Yes, he will visit you tonight."
R: "Can he bring me a wallet?"
Iretí: "Well, you know, the rantoncito has been very busy today, maybe he cannot bring a wallet tonight."
R: "Oh, okay. Can he bring it tomorrow?"
Iretí: "Yes, I think so."

After all that, he really wanted to loose teeth? Isn´t there a better way to earn money, like clean up your toys? Well, at the end of the dentist visit, I just couldn´t keep the dam gates closed anymore. My tears for the week of challenging obstacles became too much and I cried on Betti´s (the Dentist, her full name is Beatrix, the alternate girl name we threw around for Roarke) shoulder...for a week of losses and gains, for Roarke´s lost teeth and bravado, for Richard´s absence, for an amazing community of people that help when you are immobile, for not leaving two minutes earlier.

Later that night, I received two phone calls from Los Charcos parents. They were checking in to ascertain Roarke was doing okay. One conversation was in puro Español, hard for me on the phone, I´m better face to face. How my heart sang to know the other family was concerned for Roarke and offered their support in whatever way I needed. The second phone call was from my friend Paloma. Her words still bring tears to my eyes. The summary of her words were; I realized today what a strong and beautiful woman you are and how glad I am that we are friends. How I needed those words when I felt anything but strong and beautiful. My weakest moments, those beautifully painful human moments, when I just want to sit down and cry, but I cannot. Roarke, I said a few posts ago, you make me grateful for living in the moment...I am, but I am afraid.

How grateful I am that I have this fierce boy, Iretí-the maestra (because she offered me strength when I had none), Betti for her shoulder to cry on, Maestra Lucy and Jose Luis for bringing the lost tooth #2 and the hugs, Richard for talking me out of my 100 foot tree, Anna for conversations in Español, and Paloma. Paloma gave me the greatest gift of all, pure love. I felt anything but brave, it was a moment of ordinary courage, when I felt like a chicken heart. For someone to tell me, it´s okay, you did it...this life has been insane, but today has been okay.

Los Faroles

 

Roarke, Sebastian and Isabel´s lanterns (faroles) in that order. It was a lovely walk, I wish you all could have been there.

Caminata de Faroles

As far as we can discern, the sole purpose for existence is to kindle a light in the darkness of being.
- Carl Gustav Jung

November 11 is San Martin´s day, a most beautiful festival weekend here. There will be men and boys riding horses passing through San Miguel, processions of pilgrims that can be miles long. The United Sates, or Indiana at least, never offered visions of pilgrims. Pilgrims of debauchery perhaps, going to the Indy 500. My soul however needs the complex beauty of men riding horses, honoring San Martin, marching towards their Lord and chosen patron saint. Children weaving their way through the darkness with lanterns, singing songs of San Martin

San Martin´s story: Martin was from a long line of soldiers, going into the business of marching towards war at the age of 15. His story takes off at the age of 18 when he´s out soldiering and sees a beggar in need of clothes, Martin felt compelled to rip his cloak in half to share some warmth with this poor soul. Martin dreams that night the beggar was really Jesus referred to Martin is the unbaptized Roman soldier that has now clothed him. Martin chooses to be baptized, pagan no more. For two more years Martin continues his life as the now baptized Roman soldier...one day he says; "Enough! I am a soldier for Christ, I can no longer fight." Religion over duty didn´t work so well for the Roman Army, they threw Martin in jail. While he is in jail Martin offers to go into the melée unarmed, the Army liked that idea, one less loco religious dude hanging around. Luckily for Martin and us, the invaders concede to peace! Martin is spared with an honorable discharge, official walking papers to live a life devoted to God.

There is the story of how San Martin chose to walk in the light. It´s hard to renounce what you know, be persecuted and still say "What I have known is wrong, what I have done is wrong but I can move foward and make a much better go of it today." Sure, St. Martin has other fantastical stories associated with him but I love this one story of simplicity. Of a radical conversion in his life that caused him to change. Martin´s journey took about 5 years, change rarely seizes us one night and wham-o, I am a new improved better human being. Change is the gradual shifts of the heart that happen everyday, I talk about those often, but rarely do I see a "New! Improved! Digitally Enhanced! Better!" me instantly. Growing up in a culture of instant gratification, I want those changes, NOW, thank you very much! But we must wait, I ask my children for patience daily. Why is it so difficult for me to wait for the savory gifts in this life?

Each year the children and maestros of Los Charcos have their Caminata de Faroles. For this festival, the school chooses a cause to donate to in honor of San Martin. Last year we brought donations for the state of Tabasco, suffering from the mud-slides and hurricanes. This year the community will focus on the orphans from the girls orphnage, Santa Julia, specifically, two scholarships to Los Charcos. The two candidates deserve the right to a wholistic education, they have lived through trauma...the girls have no family to provide for them, that is trauma enough. My mother heart aches for all of the girls in Santa Julia, all of them deserve the love and support a community can bring, especially one like Los Charcos. I know the capacity for love in this Waldorf school, it is immense and all children have a right to receive this. Not just my children because I can afford to pay tuition.

Parque Juarez, in San Miguel de Allende, this Sunday November 9, 2008, will be illuminated by children from pre-school to junior high, carrying lanterns, walking slowly, singing songs. The children I think are unaware of how beautiful this sight is, a generous moment for all adults present. Last year I could not stop the constant stream of tears down my face. No tears of sadness, only joy and pure love for every child in the procession. Festival de San Martin is the lantern for my soul, watching the children that shape our future...walking, giving, loving in communion.

Junta-ed Out

With Waldorf schooling, so come juntas (meetings), lots of them. (Lots of birthday parties too which I am proud to say, they all get character pinatas loaded with candy, it is solidarity my friends.) Today I had a junta with Sebastian´s maestro so we can address Sebastian´s mid-line issues and now the word dyslexia has been said, once. Personally I´ve had my suspiscions about dyslexia and Sebastian for a time but gave up freaking out about it because what good has it done any of us? Nada, we are looking for creative solutions to help Sebastian learn the written language.

While I was waiting for the end of school and the beginning of my meeting this is what I observed at Colegio Los Charcos: the wind in the trees, a piano being played, children laughing in a classroom, cuentos en Español en la ronda (circle story time), a Blue Jay (1 meter away) squaking and pecking a beetle on the tree, a flute joining in with the piano, ki-ki-ki-a-ri from the gallo in story circle, and finally the old-fashioned school bell rung by hand. How I felt afterwards: calm, quiet, sure of my decision to live here and participate in Waldorf schooling as a family. The world is collapsing around us but in the space of the Colegio, there is safety, wonder, love and hope. Like a delicious, silky rebozo where you are wrapped into it´s embrace.

The meeting today with Maestro Thomas is the 2nd in a yearlong series for us. Maestro has decided to "make a study of Sebastian" and find alternative ways to help him when he reverses his letters, help him become a reader in a low-impact, low-freakout, no stress fashion. When I told the maestro how difficult it was to read with Sebastian at home he said stop, stop reading, stop pushing, let´s find a different approach. Whoa, I couldn´t believe my ears, education isn´t about struggle? It´s not about sitting down until you finish the miserable task of homework reduced to a puddle of tears? As a path of least resistance gal, I was in love. More importantly I was in wonder. My ideas of progress always contain an element of pain, struggle, conquer, I have to re-learn my ideas which I am gladly doing.

My homework, given to me by Thomas is; get Sebastian on his bike more often, enroll him in the Gravity Works class here (not gymnatics, but a "circus" class on trapeze artistry), have Sebastian mold the letters out of clay in print and cursive, massage his feet in the morning to wake him up and wash his face with cold water in the morning to help him enter his body. I said "Is that it? I feel like I should be doing more?" The response; "We are here to help you do the rest. It is a long aggrivating process alone, but it is not unmanageable if we work together." You know I´m crying don´t you? My children are so well cared for in their whole person the moment they step into the space of Colegio Los Charcos, they are cared for the way I strive to care for them and sometimes fail, but the message they receive is consistent: you are loved, you are important to me, to this world and I will help you always. Today I am breathing a big sigh of relief but hoping the calendar is free of juntas for just one week.