Family Adventures

Pathways

2009-09-06T09:10:00.002-05:00

I have this ongoing argument about paths with my children. More significantly pathways. Often I ban toys in "my area"; the living room, the dining room, my bedroom. Those general places where I pretend "we-are-organized", my "children-items-can-be-elsewhere" space. As I walked outside this morning, I observed all the objects in the pathways. Things for the average adult to trip upon. The order queen in me was ready to criticize "clear that from the pathway, someone is bound to break their neck not looking where they are going!" Translate, I will break my neck by not paying attention. Instead I paused.

Clearly my children are pondering how someone will encounter the pathway with their creations upon it. Will someone see it for what it is? A path to creation and imagination? When did their imaginative designs become only an obstacle in the path of my walking? I will relegate that judgment of mine to the person I was yesterday and say today precarious space means nothing to the adventurer, all space is negotiable, it is my job to honor this and be mindful that creativity is everywhere. Now if I can just keep that in my heart...

Bedtime Stories

2009-03-22T22:26:00.003-06:00

Just to ruminate here...we read a dictionary-esque book again tonight(Sebastian´s pick, what is it with the kid and dictionaries?) about space and building colonies on the Moon and Mars. Since we are so near NASA, it´s cool, it´s fitting and above all everyone is interested in the unknown here. Somehow the conversation devolved to the fact that G.W. (my personal irritant) lives in the same state as us. Immediately eyebrows crease in worry, the enemy is too near, we have to get out of here looks...ever experienced those? Should you answer no, consider yourself grateful. Tonight, I saw those worried eyebrows and, silly mama, I thought to put them at ease. Long story short I told my children: "Don´t worry, if I find out where George lives, I´m going to bend him over my knee and smack him on the bottom with my wooden spoon from Africa! AND I´m going to start a group *100,000 Mothers to Spank George W. Bush With a Wooden Spoon* Wait until you see the line!"

Well, that was just hilarious to the under eight and not politically educated crowd. Me, the person that detests the notion of spanking and hated the threat of the wooden spoon, wants to smack G.W. on the bottom. Actually the mominatrix in me kind of likes the idea of him squealing for mercy and yes, that is in print! Fast forward to me putting rice away after the story, with my Mexican wooden spoon. Roarke in his three year old wisdom saw the girth of that spoon and his reply was: "Mommy, that would smack bigger than the spoon from Africa! You can put that in your purse and smack George Bush on the bottom with that one when we find his ranch. He´ll really be sorry then." Oh, Roarke...how I wish you never knew a politicians name, how I wish you weren´t so painfully smart somedays. But really, Roarke, you did make me laugh in a very strange fashion. My mothering is so unorthodox I´m sure I´ll hear the criticism but just so all you critics know, I ended the conversation on how Bono shook G.W.´s hand to work for change. Furthermore, you should know Bono is the modern Jesus for my children because really wouldn´t Jesus be a rockstar now? No one listens to the radical religious person in this mixed up United States of America.

Still, I think I have some wooden spoons itching to make contact with an old white man´s behind! Oh, the thrill of it all! (But so not parenting peace...)

Disposable Culture

2009-03-11T21:50:00.002-06:00

The other night I read about this site called TED.com their byline is "ideas worth spreading". Lover of ideas and learning that I am, I journeyed to the site and watched Capt. Charles Moore talk about the great Pacific Gyre (read floating garbage heap the size of the Unites States). All that crap, all that waste floating about in the Pacific that cannot be retrieved and cleaned up...I wanted to throw up. I have to confess to being an anti-litter freak, I have picked up others garbage and presented it to them saying things like "you forgot to throw this away, I thought you might want to do that!" The incredulous looks I have received, who cares, pick up after yourself because news flash: this world is not your personal dumping ground. I found the Pacific Gyre as hard to digest as the albatross community that dies and regurgitates our human garbage.

On Tuesday I found a local Audubon bird sanctuary, smack dab in Houston in one of the prestigious neighborhoods. What a gem! Everyone loaded into the car to check out a section of the Great Texas Migratory Path, we went to look for nests and colorful birds. The picture above is what we saw the most of. Garbage, stranded in a creek, floated down from elsewhere or sometimes contributed by the inhabitants from the homes backing up to the creek. Perhaps I am naïve in thinking that if you have curb-side recycling you wouldn´t throw your unwanted furniture over you back fence to collect creekside. This jaunt proved to me that money does not build social responsibility. What I do know is that if I had money to spend upwards of $500K on a home I would donate my furniture, to my maid or gardener, to Goodwill. What I also know is I would walk down that slope to the creek, motivate myself and my children to clean that crap up, we´d take the pool cleaner, we saw lots of pools on those properties, you know they have pool cleaning equipment.

For 10 minutes I stood and stared at the stagnant mass of garbage, the idea flashed into my mind to walk down there, start cleaning but then my outrage began rising. Instead, I´m going to print the picture and deliver it to the doorsteps of the houses backing up to the offensive mess and make a suggestion...get outside of your house and live your life in this world. Clean up your act because others should not have to clean up your household debris, teach your children and yourselves to step away from whatever the diversion may be and clean this up. The gross negligence behind their fences is forgotten and if we all choose to shove our crap under the rug, so to speak, what value do WE as humans have in this world. The manicured lawns in that neighborhood were lovely but it´s all for naught because I see the skeletons in the closets and those skeletons are hideous.

2009-03-01T16:29:00.000-06:00

Sweet Huizache blossoms, I heart that smell.

In the United Sates...

2009-02-28T22:28:00.005-06:00

Everything is measured in pounds, grams and kilos are so much easier, get with the metric system people...I never have to carry cash, it´s scary...no one fills my gas tank up and wipes my windows, what the hell ever happened to full-serve, this sucks...every store has a parking space right there for you...televisions in the check-out line are ridiculous and wrong, don´t mind-numb me as I wait...no one cuts in front of you in line...the "fresh fruit" is a joke...mega-stores give you access to one sop shopping but not quality...the trees are big and beautiful...the lawns are big and beautiful, and freshly mown grass is a scent I have sorely missed...homes are shades of grey, taupe and beige - go wild folks,pick magenta, it may improve your life...I can choose from 20 different tampons and hundreds of shades of lip gloss from Target(!)...no one knows each other...constant news...constant chatter that I actually understand (and wish I didn´t)...Home.

Yes, This transition is difficult, what transition isn´t?. But if you haven´t ever left what you know, consider what is alien about your own culture to others. My kids are baffled, I am baffled. We will make our way but Houston, re-entry is a problem. Do you copy that?

The Pan American Highway

2009-02-26T19:08:00.009-06:00

As we traveled up Highway 57 to bring us to Texas, my eyes drank in the scenery in case I don´t travel the road again for awhile. The absence of billboards is something I appreciate as is detracts from real life, this is what we did see...

A very large bull meandering in the highway, nothing stops traffic like a 900 pound animal in front of you. Tierra Quemada, the name of a town, it means burned earth and I think I wouldn´t want to live there. Real de Catorce rising like a giant. Las Palmas in it´s 1960´s wonderfulness. "Vulcanizadoras cons pistolas a las 24 horas" and that would be tire repair dudes with pistols 24 hour service, I´m never traveling the Pan-American Carretera at night. Men driving donkey carts on the dirts roads of the Sierra Madre Occidental mountain range. The skinniest horses I have ever seen were in the alti-planos of San Luis Potosi, the land there is high in the mountains and arid...how anything thrives there is a mystery. Coyote roadkill with giant swooping vultures on the side of the road to clean up. Vendors with casacabel skins every few kilometers, yes people (mostly women and children) make their living selling the sketletal remains of rattlesnakes they have killed. There are a hell of a lot of rattlesnakes for sale in north San Luis Potosi and the "homes" by the stands are built of scrap pallets, corrugated cardboard, threadbare blankets, a piece of tin if you are lucky...it´s third world living at the edges of a fancy highway. Pozozs de Santa Ana, and I wondered if the misery of revolution had lived here and been left broken, to whither out. Ancient adobe walls abandoned for 20th century building scraps. Land being cleared of Huizache and Mesquite trees and the trees were just set on fire, no collection of firewood, no conservation but the air smelled like they should be smoking ribs and it was a scrumptious smell.

When we arrived in Monterrey the smog hanging over the city hit us in the face and the smell burned our nostrils. Monterrey is like Gary, Indiana in the 70´s, pumping out the nastiest fumes that even your air conditioner cannot conceal. Isabel remarked "I have to get out of this city, it stinks so bad I have a headache!" She was right, Monterrey is another place I don´t know how anyone survives because of the carcinogens being released into the air. Entire mountains are cut away to harvest materials for concrete, the entire ecosystem around the city is marred from production of industry. Sebastian wondered how the mountain didn´t fall down on "all these people, look at this mom, it´s so dangerous." My eight year old sees it, my six year old smells it in the air, why can the adult reapers/rapers of the land acknowledge what is wrong with that brand of progress?

As we exited Monterrey I composed some poetry while driving:

huizaches drenched
with yellow blossoms
and the air, oh the air
moving the sweetest of smells...
of spring
beneath mountains
gouged by industrialism
and the cloud
of the 21st Century
saturating an entire
valley
choking everyone
below

I haven´t written poetry since 10th grade high school, and the teacher thought I had copied some beatnik poetry (because she said it was too good for 10th grade literature, ego boost.) Whether it´s good or bad, I don´t really care, that is Monterrey in my minds eye, a hopeful wasteland, waiting to be reclaimed. Drive the Pan-American Highway 57 for yourself and observe, the cloud of what the United States does not want in their back yard is waiting there for you to witness.

Please don´t get it in your head Mexíco is ugly or worthless. There is untold beauty of heart and miracles. The most luscious land I have ever seen is in Urupan, home of avocado export to the world. The most gracious people one could encounter, and my standards are high as I grew up in the mid-west and expect a "hello, how are you today?" with chatty banter, live in Mexíco. The Pan-American Highway really isn´t Pan America at all, it is a desolate fast stretch of highway that takes you through places you´d never go to get to where you want to be. Mexíco is where the hearts of my children lie because it is beautiful and forgiving while giving and with mysterious otherworldiness of the town we lived in and loved. But that chapter closed during 947.8 miles (including when I went the wrong way and had to go back.) That our last memories should be on that toll-road driving from the unknown to the unknown sucks.

Before I have said, my children are brave and fierce (also annoying). In traveling Highway 57 I could not have chosen better, more attentive companions. Constantly they pulled me out of my torpor from driving to look and see the wonder in the wasteland. The beauty in the breakdown.

As I lose all my regrets

2009-02-25T22:59:00.007-06:00

These days I wake up wondering if I have just lived a lifetime in 24 hours, some days I have. This year has begun with endings and I would be grateful for a beginning in the near future, just in case anyone is answering prayers. My last 3 weeks in San Miguel were more painful than the time I caught typhoid there...I deal better with strange temporary diseases than saying goodbye to this temporary permanence.

How, I don´t know, did I accumulated so much in 2.5 years in Mexico? That question was asked alot when moving it. My time left, in this place others come to enjoy, was spent in labor of moving; people, boxes, lives. During this time I was able to visit my iPod with beautiful sites and beautiful people and I became attached to a song, of course, during all this shuffling of everything-and-nothing-at-once. Twilight has always been my favorite time of day, the closure and the beginning, with soft golden blues that make me shed tears when I see the sky spreading out before me. One night as I drove down the mountain at twighlight time "Set the Twighlight Reeling" by Lou Reed came on. Now I know lots of people that find their comfort in God, but nothing put me at comfort that twilight time like Lou Reed´s cracky, edgy voice...he saved me from many bad mama incidents in my last weeks. Though this video version isn´t the sound quality of my iPod and Lou singing to me, Elvis Costello is a nice consolation prize and I hope you all enjoy a musical adventure.

My gift of strength while I packed up a formerly happy life into boxes was to gather this woman of strength in me. I did dread moving but part of me looked foward to it also, to get on with this life and not live in these disjointed boxes of life alone and married life every once in awhile. Now I am finding it difficult living with another adult after all this independence. Perhaps I should say all this dependence, on only myself, to make it through the next moment, which leads to the hour, day, week. There were moments I needed a guide and there was no manual for success or failure, surely there are years of therapy involved for my children on the dreaded move from Mexico...but we all found bravery.

When you leave something you love and you know it´s this slow departure, you have time to taste the sweetness. Things you once found negligible begin to take value. Since I was driving most of my days, my delicacies come in one line on scraps of paper: cobblestone roads, a cantalope moon, the Parroquia, losing Roarke´s glove and retrieving it from the mirador, giant ficus trees at La Concepcíon, tiendas, a dusty construction worker blowing me a kiss, the all permeating dust , sweet tears, kissing lovers, twirling batman acrobats in the last circus, yellow huizache blossoms, Guadalupe (always Guadalupe) and twilight. My sweetest last moments driving on the obnoxiously bumpy roads of San Miguel de Allende. Of course always my children, with me, sharing this journey. How did I earn the blessing of these three beautiful humans that I am supposed to care for? Simultaneously I am irritated and brought to my knees in thankfulness.

So many times it was commented, *you can´t do all this by yourself*, *you have to do it this way...*, *you need help*. Advice given in love and sometimes as if to say I wasn´t capable of delivering. Times came when I accepted help and then you simply have to step up, for yourself and the people you love, and say I will do this and I can. At the end of it all; the shuffling of things, boxes in Mexico, vehicle left in Mexico, still plans to arrange...I did what had to be done. Nine hundred miles between children and their father was covered to give them a family and some security and to let go of the regrets at leaving geographical points on a map. Yes, I did set the twilight reeling.

And this is just crazy...

2009-01-25T22:33:00.002-06:00

The conflict in Gaza goes up my spine, senseless killing over geographical places. As I exit a beloved geographical place...I have to say "damn, just let it go..."

Houston

2009-01-24T23:30:00.005-06:00

There are so many things to do in Houston, I almost don´t know where to begin! Click on Roarke and see where we´ve been...

Letting Go

2009-01-13T14:33:00.001-06:00

There are some things in this life you want so badly you can only focus on that. It´s really a devil may care vision. There becomes an obsession with staying put and only focusing on that one thing. We forget to look at what we really need, what others around us need. We forget that one day we won´t drive on this road again, because life is always changing, it´s best look at what is around you.

Lately I've had many revelations about what my family needs. My conclusion is that we cannot be a family with the absence of 1/5 of our family. For me, Sebastian, Isabel and Roarke, it is only 1/5. For Richard, his heart is missing 4/5´s, he is empty and we cannot let him continue like this. This week I have not been able to get the idea of a radical change of heart (courtesy of Betty, look her up on the left side)and what that means for me. Here is how my heart is changing:

Part of me wants to remain in this lovely town, with the community I have grown in to. This geographical place where I have started to learn, finally, to be here now. But my committment to my family, my husband, tells me it´s time to let go. Families can live apart, sometimes we need to, somedays we wish to. My family, we five people that make this life complete, we need to be together. My heart is changing radicallly, I am letting go of my most wanted desire. Life in Mexico.

Funny just a few weeks ago, I commented on how dreams come true. They still do. When the dream comes true...then what? When dreams come true is it ephemeral or something that lasts forever? And so your dream came true...what about others hopes, dreams, expectations and fears? I cannot stop myself from exiting what I want and realizing what we all need. What this family of 5 humans needs; love, to be listened to, kisses, hugs, wonder and each other. Good gracious, it really does seem old fashioned and cliché and how flipping simple can we get? What I dream of more than geographical places and bi-lingual children is children and adults without metaphorical broken hearts from sadness and a disconnected life.

So it looks like I am giving up pura vida en Mexíco and I am so sad for that loss. However, if you know me at all, you know I have to list the gains (because they are wildly magnificent!). First and foremost the Reina de Mexíco, Guadalupe. Never in all my years of going to church, studying notions of religiousity, spiritual seeking...did I find something to connect to like Her. My life, wardrobe and accessories will always be grateful for my introduction to the Mother of all mothers. Sebastian and Isabel are bi-lingual, let´s hope they remember this. Sunny days for nearly two consecutive years, you´d have to be completely self-involved to have missed that. This next statement may be self-involved but here goes...the courage to step outside of your box.

For two years I have struggled with stepping outside of life as I had known it for 36years. On my journey into motherhood, beyond the phase of marriage that went like: "We have no kids, we have 2 incomes, we´re so groovy, we can do anything we imagine"... I forgot to believe in the capacity to have radical changes of heart to change your life. Richard asked me to take a leap, I did even though I was afraid and I have loved this experience but not every moment (especially typhoid). I have not forgotten to pay attention, well some of the time I´ve paid attention. What we are living is life, I have no special brand of bravery, this is what others have coined "ordinary courage"...yep, this is my life.

Grocery Shopping American Style

2009-01-04T21:26:00.001-06:00

We've been in Houston for...I don't remember how many days now. I am in this haze of all things for sale. The Christmas season is always overwhelming but I'm wondering if the season ever ends here, all the shops are packed (except the thrift store, I had it all to myself, no competition, yeah!) We shopped minimally for Christmas presents but have been to the grocery store more times than I care to recount. I love the grocery store, I could fill baskets full of foodie items if my pocket book allowed it.

The grocery store has taken a very strange spin in my absence from the states. To shop for the necessities for your pantry you must now enter the maze of shopping, through the flowers, cakes, cookies...by the time I reached the fruits and vegetables my kids were mesmerized by all the marketed items. What I found most disconcerting were the television screens on the cereal aisle talking to me and then in the check out line. Don't the marketing execs know I shop with my kids and I can barely handle their human clamoring while shopping, I certainly don't want a television constantly talking!

All this marketing to my pocketbook happened after I had spent 4 hours at the park, entertaining my children, took a wrong turn as I left the park and was lost for 1 hour looking for a grocery store. As I was driving aimlessly and listening to my new favorite song "To Be Surprised" I drove past this high end strip mall that I decided didn't meet my budget shopping needs. Ten minutes later i drove past the same shopping center and thought, okay maybe I have to stop here. I pulled in to go to the super fancy grocery store and looked up to see a sign that said "Second Baptist Church". Utter confusion ensues in my brain, doesn't that sign over there say something like "Forest Rose Boutique Clothing for Children" and I'm looking at the super fancy *flagship* grocery store and I'm in a sea of BRAND NEW Mercedes, Jaguars, Land Rovers, BMW's? Yes, the church was the anchor for this extremely high end que lujo shopping center.

At this point I can't go in the "Flagship" grocery because 2 out of 3 children are asleep and I couldn't even stomach going in the place if they were awake because I just read a review of "WWJB?" (What Would Jesus Buy? Morgan Spurlock's new film with the members from the Church of Stop Shopping) and I'm fairly certain that Jesus would be offended at the thought of a church being the anchor for a strip mall. In fact I'm pondering this question heavily these days? I don't read the bible daily, I haven't read that book in about 12 years and when I did last read the book it was for a grueling class and I haven't looked at Christianity the same since. Oh, the point of that...I DO remember the story of Jesus turning over the tables in the temple. Were those just the money changers or all merchants? I can't answer that question because Sebastian yelled at Isabel in the last hotel we went to when she tried to take the Gideon's bible with her: "Isabel, you always take that! Maybe someone else will need one too and there won't be one because you have three!" Now I need a reference point and it's not there.

My heart will have to serve as a reference point for me. I understand the idea of supporting a business of like minded folks, look at the goodness of fair trade items, I have no problem with people shopping in stores owned by Christians, Muslims, Jewish because that is their world belief. There was just something not right about the church physically being connected to all those shops that turned my stomach and made my heart say "Hasn't this gone far enough America?"

I left this weird space and found the Kroger nearest us, which as you have already read is where the television screens are on every aisle. It took an hour and a half to complete this shopping extravaganza, including 2 pee breaks. As we left and were walking through the very large pedestrian section with a cart laden and my three children holding onto various portions of the cart, a man in a very new and very shiny Lexus almost ran us over to drive in a circle for a parking space. If my children had not been holding onto the cart, I would have sailed my cart full of groceries into the side of his car because of his blatant disregard for the most precious people in my life and I said that out loud. Unfortunately my children were actually listening to me mumble and then started saying "I'll beat him up", "I'll kick him in the privates", "He is a very mean man." My stomach started turning again because of my own design and I said "No, we won't do any of those things. We will forgive him because we are all safe. It's his heart that needs filling, we can't fill it, but we can forgive and move on in this life."

And that concludes our family adventure of grocery shopping American style, what a whirlwind!

Family Photo at the Basilica de Guadalupe, Mexico City

2008-12-11T23:09:00.001-06:00

Do you see Richard and I are the only one´s clearly happy to be visting the Basilica in Mexico City. They even have the bus that Pope John Paul II rode in cordened off there! We thought it would be the bus to take us to the top of the hill where Juan Diego encountered Guadalupe. Sadly we were wrong and our kids didn´t understand why there was a perfectly good bus sitting there not moving. Notice the scorn in the faces of the señoras, it´s okay, I´ve grown accustomed to it. my kids will never be clean enough, bathed properly enough, hair brushed just so, it´s like being with your mother-in-law. Only she doesn´t speak the same language and she doesn´t live with you so really, who cares! The non-religious, spiritual person that I am, I pray to Guadalupe daily. The mother of all mother´s...I came to discover Mexico and the patron mother at the time in my life I really needed it. Again, how do I get so lucky these innocent gifts keep falling in my lap?

P.S. Betty, I am not moving back until I have to, thankfully that isn´t right now. Let Guadalupe work whatever miracles she wants.

Dia de Nuestra Sra. Guadalupe

2008-12-11T22:54:00.001-06:00

Dia de Nuestra Sra. Guadalupe

2008-12-11T22:52:00.001-06:00

What Language are You Speaking?

2008-12-11T19:10:00.002-06:00

Conversations with Roarke go something like this:

R: I don´t speak Englés?
Me: Really? Habla puro en Español?
R: No, I don´t speak Spanish.
Me: What language do you speak?
R: I speak ROARKE! I´m Roarke mommy!! (In his most exasperated, "gee you are really not smart mom!" voice.)

I laughed at how funny I thought he was. What would I call it Roarkish, Roarkese? Suddenly the lightbulb went off and I smashed it over my own head. We are speaking different languages, that is why my 3 year old argues with me...we simply do not understand the language the other person is speaking. How do I make it more clear, I´m speaking English, his native language. How on earth do I speak Roarkese?

What I Learned Today Is...

2008-12-10T21:11:00.005-06:00

Half a dramamine tablet an hour and a half before a dentist visit does not make Roarke go to sleep. He will still force you to pry his mouth open for impressions while you´ve contorted your body to restrain his in a very small dental chair. After that scene, female dentists in Mexico are reasonable, ni modo, come back in six months and we´ll try agin, $150 pesos($10 USD roughly) for impressions. Are you kidding me? These are the most sane dentists I´ve ever met, don´t traumatize a kid and don´t gouge a parent. Half a dramamine does knock Roarke out 3 hours later, into a scary deep sleep, that just isn´t right. He is also sleepy the rest of the day, making for bad attitudes. The cure for that is Martha being in charge an abandoned tire and a steep driveway. Which makes Roarke even more tired, hence, my blogging early. Hooray?!

Second lesson of the day came with the junta for Sebastian´s 2º grade at Los Charcos. I am a terrible Waldorf student. When did I forget to play the flute, the air has to come out just right you know. Simple math like counting by 3´s...there is so much counting while moving your body I get confused, along with the other parents, I am grateful for that. One man said "I just can´t." Can´t what? Do what your kid does everyday? That should be required. We ask so much out of our children, sit down, be quiet, what does this equal, how do you say this..., how would you do that...think, pay attention, look at the world around you, listen to your heart. Shouldn´t we also be prepared to observe their day as they experience it? Now I know why Sebastian´s head wants to explode when he comes home, thinking outside of the box is hard. I´m asking my kids to do it, I should pay them the courtesy of walking with them.

Ordinary Words to Live By

2008-12-05T21:23:00.003-06:00

The amazing quote for the day sent to me by Fico and Paloma and corrections from Elsanne, Nelson Mandela didn´t say it Marianne Williamson should receive all the credit for these words that are like a lifeboat; slippery, a bit damp, but safe and surviving.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
Marianne Williamson

Human Love Song

2008-12-05T12:04:00.005-06:00

Well maybe Playing For Change is not a new movement, but I´ve only discovered it today. My friend and acupuncturist, Sandra, sent this to me this morning, how I needed it. Take a moment and get a box of tissues while you watch this video. Beautiful is the only word I have and enjoy.
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December Mornings

2008-12-05T11:22:00.000-06:00

Eight Kids Later

2008-12-04T22:19:00.005-06:00

Well, four hours with eight children by yourself really isn´t so bad. Today we had the mother of all play dates, friends help us when we have hard days, a total of eight kids from ages 8 to 3. What the heck it´s only 5 extra kids, they can all wipe their own bottoms, that is half the battle! Surprisingly there weren´t any terrible moments, Roarke smashed his finger but didn´t you already know he would do something? ¡Viva con gusto! That´s my boy. We had a sad moment though, another little girl´s father lives far away and at that moment she really needed her daddy. So familiar with this scenario I am, what can you do but scoop up a kid and hug them? You can tell the child that your heart can hold oceans full of love and that is where your daddy always is, swishing away with your heartbeat. But that does not make the physical absence any better for the child. You can feel it but not see it? That sucks and how is that fair? I can´t answer that question and I admit to crying openly in front of my children when they cry tears of sadness from loss.

Our family is separated by miles and an invisible border, the kids do not understand what is going on, mommy and daddy love each other, why can´t we all be in the same place? Disjointed living so we can stay in Mexico as opposed to Indiana and still no daddy, again this is not fair and it sucks. But this is our life and everyday I try to encourage beautiful moments to bloom among us, though I´ve killed the grass in this spiritual journey...ah, ni modo as I have become fond of saying. This week, everyone had an opportunity to a mental health day, Isabel was the only one to decline saying "I LOVE SCHOOL!". Just last year she clung to my leg refusing to go to school, this week she was the center of attention for about 7 kids at school, so happy to see her. How life can change in the small space of one year.

Progressing through motherhood and life is my meditation for the day. What we are capable of as women and mothers, the flux of the stages of womanhood and motherhood... Always we are moving foward, definitely with time but also spiritually. I have never been more grateful and more pissed off at the gifts I receive from children and I love them for that. More than that I love the lessons everyday that; people change, situations change, how you can be afraid but it´s the wheel in motion and you cannot stop for fear. How did I ever get so lucky to have all this wisdom put in my lap so innocently?

The Fading Day

2008-12-03T09:47:00.003-06:00

As the sun went down I noticed a lovely shadow on my bedroom door. I noticed this after Roarke had been shut inside my room screaming for 30 minutes (about a dumptruck he threw about 20 feet that I took it away, in case you´re wondering). After the storm the calm came in shadow shapes. S; for slow,surrender,stop screaming,smile. I stopped, paused to admire and captured the S moment. As the sun sinks into the valley twilight brings; color unimaginably tranquil, cows lowing, crickets still chirping, airplanes coming, shadows of pepper tree fronds, Venus, Jupiter and a crescent Moon, cool air, a moment of peace.

First Hand Craft

2008-12-02T11:45:00.002-06:00

This is really my first hand crafted project as an adult. It will be for sale at the Christmas Bazaar for Los Charcos, it´s my Isabel inspiration. Isabel will get one for Christmas also, I´m on a roll and maybe the craft goddesses are shining down on me! I was pleased with my handwork so I had to show it off.

Talk

2008-11-29T19:56:00.005-06:00

Maybe this song is so important to me because my kids love it. One day, my kids may cease their constant chatter and ability to speak their hearts to me. Now I complain about the constant stream of conversation in this house, but I hope they will always talk when they do feel like a puzzle that can´t find it´s missing piece.

Let a Thousand Flowers Bloom...

2008-11-28T23:05:00.002-06:00

Two heroes in one room, that is great conversation and bliss for my ears. Bill Moyers this week talks with Michael Pollan. Give yourself time away from whatever your maddening crowd may be to enjoy this interview in two parts.

Pre-Thanksgiving Thanks

2008-11-26T22:15:00.002-06:00

Hearts, teeth that come out by the roots, and the mother of all mother´s...

Ben´s last sleepover after two years. We are so sad that Ben is moving back to the states, but we are grateful for the years the boys have spent together in Mexico. Thanksgiving is a fitting day of endings and beginnings. We love you Ben and we´ll see you at Legoland!

A Piñata

2008-11-24T21:18:00.000-06:00

A lovely sight! Just before the day ended in Roarke´s profusion of blood. It was worth it, he doesn´t even miss his teeth, he likes the attention.

Lost Teeth and Some More Help

2008-11-23T21:26:00.006-06:00

Well, Roarke lost not one but two teeth. Because he always has to out-do his siblings? Hmm...I´m not sure but he is a fierce risk tasker and the stakes run higher then, don´t they? So today is the first day my three year old woke up looking like a boxer. Here´s how it happened: We went to Los Charcos to put in our time with manualidades, that´s hand crafts for you English speakers, and stop laughing at me because you know my secret that I suck at crafts. The task was to make a lot of piñatas for sale at the Los Charcos Christmas Bazaar. Literally, I was 2 minutes from being finished, we had been there for 4 hours and were ready to go. In those two minutes, Roarke ran outside to play a sort of keep-away game fell and smashed the right side of his face into a tree stump. Out came two teeth, roots still intact.

For those of you that may not know, Sebastian lost his left front tooth in a weird accident November 11, 2001. Seven years and 11 days later...baby brother tops his loss. Did I mention I had a crappy week? Oh yes, there have been many real life saints along the way but something about this loss was the breaking point for me. Really, what are two teeth? Baby teeth at that, you put them under a pillow and the tooth fairy comes, víola, everyone is happy. However, the loss of teeth is following this theme of broken things, to the extreme, in my life. My circuits are overloaded, I need some new circuit breakers, thank you very much.

Iretí, Roarke´s teacher from school, held him on the way to the dentist. How my heart did weep, for Richard and myself. One of us should have been holding him, not just driving. How Roarke did cry; "Mommy, I´m tired! I want to sleep on your shoulder." I drove with precision and speed that I had not encountered before, in Mexico anyway. If I could just get to the dentist, I could hold him and offer comfort. Iretí was a constant reminder to slow down, breathe, everything would be okay, put on a face of tranquility for your child. Everything was okay, no lost life or limbs, no need for panic. Roarke was a champ through x-rays and sitting on my lap and when we were done, this is what he said:

R: "I wanted to loose two teeth, mommy. Will the ratoncito (Mexican equivalent of the tooth fairy) visit me?"
Me: "Yes, he will visit you tonight."
R: "Can he bring me a wallet?"
Iretí: "Well, you know, the rantoncito has been very busy today, maybe he cannot bring a wallet tonight."
R: "Oh, okay. Can he bring it tomorrow?"
Iretí: "Yes, I think so."

After all that, he really wanted to loose teeth? Isn´t there a better way to earn money, like clean up your toys? Well, at the end of the dentist visit, I just couldn´t keep the dam gates closed anymore. My tears for the week of challenging obstacles became too much and I cried on Betti´s (the Dentist, her full name is Beatrix, the alternate girl name we threw around for Roarke) shoulder...for a week of losses and gains, for Roarke´s lost teeth and bravado, for Richard´s absence, for an amazing community of people that help when you are immobile, for not leaving two minutes earlier.

Later that night, I received two phone calls from Los Charcos parents. They were checking in to ascertain Roarke was doing okay. One conversation was in puro Español, hard for me on the phone, I´m better face to face. How my heart sang to know the other family was concerned for Roarke and offered their support in whatever way I needed. The second phone call was from my friend Paloma. Her words still bring tears to my eyes. The summary of her words were; I realized today what a strong and beautiful woman you are and how glad I am that we are friends. How I needed those words when I felt anything but strong and beautiful. My weakest moments, those beautifully painful human moments, when I just want to sit down and cry, but I cannot. Roarke, I said a few posts ago, you make me grateful for living in the moment...I am, but I am afraid.

How grateful I am that I have this fierce boy, Iretí-the maestra (because she offered me strength when I had none), Betti for her shoulder to cry on, Maestra Lucy and Jose Luis for bringing the lost tooth #2 and the hugs, Richard for talking me out of my 100 foot tree, Anna for conversations in Español, and Paloma. Paloma gave me the greatest gift of all, pure love. I felt anything but brave, it was a moment of ordinary courage, when I felt like a chicken heart. For someone to tell me, it´s okay, you did it...this life has been insane, but today has been okay.

A Day of Obstacles and Lots of Help

2008-11-21T09:58:00.006-06:00

Have you ever had a day when you want a gin and tonic by 9:30 am? No? Consider yourself lucky. That was my day yesterday. Sucky from the moment I stuck my warm sleepy feet on very cold Mexican tiles. The details of the pitfalls of the day aren´t really important, it´s the same story, different details for everyone, the world over. The people that enter your life in a day and offer to give is what matters. I was on the receiving end of so much love and those random acts of kindness...I´m still pinching myself.

Thanking Alex, Ramon and Josh. For taking my kids to school and helping me out of a rut, literally. Thank you Shannon for this kid/husband tested, mother/wife approved song, we love you for bringing us a new family groove! Thank you Bjanetta for all things DIY and being all around amazing woman. Martha, thank you because you are you (and will listen to me tell stories in bad Spanish and make it better). Thank you Richard for being a patient husband. Thank you to my inanimate camera for deciding to work because without it I wouldn´t have been able to capture the following moments.

I was intrigued by Sebastian´s yoga pose and the use of mudras. He said "I don´t know where I learned it. It´s just here, mom." Wow. Yes, Sebastian it really is just here. Thank you to the universe for the day. Out of selfish me moments, I received the lesson that I am small in this life without others.

Look Out it´s Pirates on Parade!

2008-11-19T22:40:00.002-06:00

Stealing massive amounts of oil, the pirate life is still...alive. Richard tells me he found gas for $1.67 in Houston last week, maybe the pirates are helping us? Who the hell knows in this crazy world.

Shave the Date

2008-11-19T12:12:00.002-06:00

So irreverently funny! Follow the link to Mominatrix for the end of Bush happiness.

Single Parenting Sucks

2008-11-18T08:53:00.006-06:00

Have, I told you how much I dislike parenting by myself? Just as I am sure Richard hates living in Houston by himself and starting a business from scratch otra vez . The financial disaster of the United States has hit us so hard. If I were to go back to Indiana, Richard still would not be present, there are no jobs for him in Indiana. Houston is too big for my taste right now, one of those "don´t mind to visit, can´t live there." Our life is relaxing and small enough to be manageable here. One thing is missing; Richard, daddy, dad, honey. There is a hole in the fabric of our lives.

Often I have wondered how? How do men and women all over the world parent, sanely, by themselves? Most days I can keep it together, I don´t want to leave my children with images of mommy dearest. Today though, we were getting ready for school after a four day weekend and my patience had trickled down to a drip-drop. Roarke asked for blueberry cereal, when I gave him the blueberry cereal he screamed "I said I wanted cheerios!" Okay three year old indecision, no problem if I have someone to help me diffuse Roarke´s anger. But it´s just me and my head is hot and I think it´s going to explode all over the three lunches I´m preparing. The daily requests, constant changing of minds, constant chatter in my ears, constant questions...I am simply overwhelmed.

How do I continue mindful parenting if all I want to do is run, far and fast. Away from sucky financial situations, a three year old screaming at me and broken things filling up my life. Find a happy place...

We are all healthy, no bouts of salmonella or typhoid (like the first year). The snake I almost stepped on yesterday wasn´t poisonous, or at least chose to ignore me. I love my three wild kids. Each one delivers a gift of wonderfulness to this world daily, Sebastian you are wise and rational when I am not. When I was shrieking about the snake yesterday, Sebastian said: "Next time mom, just get the shovel and whack it." So sensible, not really humane, but it´s a 5 foot slithery snake! Isabel you are so beautifully calm, she goes about her day with her "gems" and makes patterns on table tops, that glitter and make my eyes happpy. Never was there a girl breathing pink and smiles like you, for me. Roarke, un fuerte niño, you help me live in the moment because everything can change so rapidly with you. To all the single parents in this world, you are strong and have amazing courage, knowing you all are there...I feel a little less crazy and a lot less lonely this chilly morning.

Bi-Ligual Kiddos

2008-11-15T23:00:00.008-06:00

Well, the election is over. What a whirlwind ride is was, I´m beyond happy with the choice Americans made. Obama´s election speech was pure beauty and McCain conceeded with graciousness. Let´s move foward. I learned yesterday that Obama speaks Spanish, wow. For me, President Elect Obama just keeps becoming the total package. (This is not to say he will fail, all presidents do, let´s be realists.) When I watched Obama´s ad for Puerto Rico where he spoke Spanish, I felt proud of him. So his accent is mas ó menos, he actually knows another language.

Let´s face it, this world is shrinking. One of the reasons we felt compelled to live in Mexico is for our children. Our children are rapidly becoming native speakers of another language, and it doesn´t stop there...Sebastian wants to speak 5 languages like his maestro. Do it kid, speak, learn to communicate with people from all over the globe, this world needs you to do just that. I watch my children as they chatter away in Spanish with their compañeros and I have no idea what they are saying. My heart glows when I see their ease in communicating with others, laughing with joy, arguing in their second language, explaining what their mother cannot. I am not embarassed of my ignorance, I am proud of my children in their ability to go into the world and be comfortable.

Lately, I´ve been trying to imagine what it must have been like for my great-grandparents to immigrate to the United States and be unable to communicate. I know all to well what it is like, to be frustrated when you don´t have the words in a different language to express yourself. I have placed an enormous task in front of my children to perform and be a citizen of this world. They have adapted and embraced a new language and it is becoming theirs. This is not an easy task, live in abroad for a year where English is not the first language, you´ll find you´ve only touched the tip of the iceberg in that year´s time, it´s very humbling. My great-grandparents must have relied heavily on their children to help them with the nuances of the language, as I do.

Where my ancestors failed though was denuciation of their Sicilian culture and language. After awhile, no one in my Father´s family spoke Italian anymore, because the United States of America required English to be spoken, especially if you were an entreprenuer, which my great-grandparents were. The culture I have lost, the inability to communicate with people that make up 50% of my gene pool (that´s a great portion of the person I am in the "Great American Melting Pot"), makes me throughly irritated. If the United States is so great and such a melting pot, why don´t the majority citizens speak more than one language? Why is it intrinsic that when you become "American " you shed the person you used to be? That seems homogenous and lazy to me.

Well, we can only be the change we seek in the world, my hero Gandhi said it, he was right. I am doing that. I realize I am projecting my fondest wishes on my children, to know many languages, that was my obsession from the age of 12. In my quest for grappling the nuances of more than just English, I hope to serve my children well...that reads, I hope I don´t cause them to have too much therapy later in life. However, if they do have to enter therapy and hash out anger with their mother, currently they will be able to do it in two languages. And that is my Gratitude point for the day, my bi-ligual kiddos.

Props to Sebastian

2008-11-13T17:23:00.005-06:00

Just wanted to say, yes my freshly 7 year old son, Sebastian, took the photo at the top. He loved the murals at Kope Cafe in Gulu. That is where he had playtime with his best bud from the age of crawling, his first sip of Coca-Cola (wards off jet lag, you know), first viewing of Invisible Children, first sight of a soldier with a loaded AK-47. Gulu was a time of many firsts for both of us, it was a grand adventure with my oldest. Thanks for a great photo, Bash! Love, your mama

That is exactly how I feel!

2008-11-12T22:17:00.002-06:00

I found this quote in the circular world of the internet from a wonderful site I stumbled upon, Ordinary Courage. This is the quote for the journey I am on right now.

It is not joy that makes us grateful; it is gratitude that makes us joyful.

--Brother David Steindl-Rast

Those Daily Surprises

2008-11-11T22:20:00.008-06:00

Tuesday is one of my favorite days of the week, it means Tiangus! Market day, thrift store heaven, for super cheap IF you are brave enough to elbow in with the Señoras, which I am now. Tomorrow begins Isabel´s 6th rotation around the sun, her birthday...I had to find more pink frilly-ness for my beloved girl. My dear friend Stephanie and her almost 4 month old, Aidan, met me after I scored the perfect leotard that Isabel will have to go to gymnastics in, just to show off. My Stephanie presented me with a letter and a gift. I can´t tell you how much I miss hand written notes since I have no address. (I will get a U.S. address if everyone would send me two hand written notes a month. Okay I´m begging you, please send me mail, I´ll send you mail too. I miss the surprises of a mail box!)

Sorry to digress, Stephanie gave me a lovely letter thanking me for my presence in her life and at Aidan´s birth. What an amazing experience to hold my friend´s hand during birth. She held onto grace chanting "lovelovelovelovelove..." and style holding onto the birthing rope, and cursed like a sailor! I love her all the more for sharing those moments with me. Today, we were sitting down to eat carnita tortas, I am in tears from reading her beautiful letter and I open the groovy little gift bag. Inside are the most fabulous earrings of the mother of all mothers. Guadalupe. In crystal. Redesigned by our friend Lucia. Oh, the circle of women I live in, you are wonderful and amazing. Thank you for the message of love, I needed it and I am more than grateful for your presence in my life. Stephanie´s words and the lovely gift gave me all the strength to go on through the afternoon.

Holy shazzam, what an afternoon it was. I shelled out A LOT of pesos, for customs charges on our Land Rover parts from th U.S., which were still not in San Miguel at 3:30 Tuesday afternoon...the parts were supposed to arrive Friday afternoon, ah, the famous Mexican Aduanas. To wait it out we splurged on 2 for 1 crappy Domino´s pizza, this meanss I don´t have to make lunch tomorrow, hooray,(and it´s not fat-free and gross Elliott)! After pizza, we headed to Parque Juarez to play.

Parque Juarez is an adventure in itself, you never know when there will be a gaping hole in a structure or holes in the fiberglass slides which leave itchy legs. I managed to sit down for about 15 minutes before the first incident, Sebastian fell on his head trying to hang upside down. Fifteen minutes later, Roarke falls on his face from the exact same activity that made Sebastian fall and 2 minutes later Isabel scrapes her ankles hanging upside down, same activity that caused the other two injuries. Great, no one obviously pays enough attention to learn a lesson, why do I come out in public? I give my three children advice to learn from mistakes of others as well as their own and think the worst is over, except that gapping hole in the platform 9 feet above ground. Well, live and learn.

Settling in to talk with the great-grandfather of a kid Sebastian went to school with, suddenly I hear Roarke shrieking "MOMMY!!!" When you hear that you run, fast!
At the other side of the playground, my 3 year old has put his head between two bars and is stuck, WTF?! I have no choice but to hop onto the platform and try to help him as a Mexican woman is trying to talk him out of his tree, without success. Can I do anything but laugh at this point? These people do not know Roarke the way I do and this is so apropos but also unexpected, he would be the first one of my brood to figure out how to fix his problem.

Not so today! Suddenly out of nowhere, three men arrive to help me and my guerito out of this predicament. They tried prying the bars apart but finally they discover we can slide his body through sideways and he´s out. Just as quickly as the men came, they disappeared. Surely, I looked like a madwoman shaking my head and chuckling while Roarke is in tears and sobbing on my shoulder. Meanwhile, Isabel and Sebstian have run off TO PLAY. Can you believe that, leave your mother and baby brother in a potential crisis moment? Even though your skills at translation may be needed! How did I rear such selfish humans? Damn, I really have to learn the subtle nuances of the language better. How do you ask a person to cut the bars off your child´s head in Spanish anyway?

The last incident at Parque Jaurez was Sebastian banging his knee coming down the 9 foot fire pole. While his knee was badly bruised it didn´t require an emergency room visit for a broken leg, thank goodness. At this point, I´m done with the park outing! I just want my blasted car parts so I can go back to the country where we only have to deal with ant bites and espinas in the feet, city living is for the caged birds and that does not include my children (or me)! Also, I can see the circuitous route this is taking, injury line-up that is...Sebastian, Roarke, Isabel,Roarke, Sebastian...enough is enough, Donna Summers and I agree. We go get our ridiculously expensive package of Rush order car parts, 3 days late but here, and call it a day.

On our way home, Roarke fell asleep, Isabel too, all I could do was laugh. Laugh at the crowd that gathered to be a witness to Roarke´s illogical actions, the ease of getting him out when you have help and the looks on peoples faces...like, is your son retarded? No, he just likes to push things to the limit...ummm, scratch that, beyond the limit. I have to continually think outside of the box to accomodate this one soul on this earth. Somedays Roarke you are so frustrating I don´t know how to respond but today I have received bushels full of laughs from your antics.

Roarke did wake up later, drat! While dreaming, he became upset about his head getting stuck. Trying to calm him I said "There were three men that helped you though, they helped you get out." My stubborn, burro, of a son screamed at me: "NO!, I did it BY MYSELF!" Ungrateful, that was all I could think. Now I wonder if there isn´t a bit of self-survival and foreshadowing in that statement. Next time he sticks his head through the bars he´ll remember how to get out, by himself!

Motherhood becomes a blur all to often. I am oh...so grateful to Roarke for showing me today the ways we fail, and the ways we get up and keep moving in this life. To take chances seems so easy at three when you have an enormous safety net, at 38 taking chances and falling down seems insurmountable. We have to take chances at any age though, we have to keep falling down, moving foward and laughing. To give it all is what makes life worth living.

Los Faroles

2008-11-11T18:52:00.003-06:00

Roarke, Sebastian and Isabel´s lanterns (faroles) in that order. It was a lovely walk, I wish you all could have been there.

Caminata de Faroles

2008-11-07T10:01:00.010-06:00

As far as we can discern, the sole purpose for existence is to kindle a light in the darkness of being.
- Carl Gustav Jung

November 11 is San Martin´s day, a most beautiful festival weekend here. There will be men and boys riding horses passing through San Miguel, processions of pilgrims that can be miles long. The United Sates, or Indiana at least, never offered visions of pilgrims. Pilgrims of debauchery perhaps, going to the Indy 500. My soul however needs the complex beauty of men riding horses, honoring San Martin, marching towards their Lord and chosen patron saint. Children weaving their way through the darkness with lanterns, singing songs of San Martin

San Martin´s story: Martin was from a long line of soldiers, going into the business of marching towards war at the age of 15. His story takes off at the age of 18 when he´s out soldiering and sees a beggar in need of clothes, Martin felt compelled to rip his cloak in half to share some warmth with this poor soul. Martin dreams that night the beggar was really Jesus referred to Martin is the unbaptized Roman soldier that has now clothed him. Martin chooses to be baptized, pagan no more. For two more years Martin continues his life as the now baptized Roman soldier...one day he says; "Enough! I am a soldier for Christ, I can no longer fight." Religion over duty didn´t work so well for the Roman Army, they threw Martin in jail. While he is in jail Martin offers to go into the melée unarmed, the Army liked that idea, one less loco religious dude hanging around. Luckily for Martin and us, the invaders concede to peace! Martin is spared with an honorable discharge, official walking papers to live a life devoted to God.

There is the story of how San Martin chose to walk in the light. It´s hard to renounce what you know, be persecuted and still say "What I have known is wrong, what I have done is wrong but I can move foward and make a much better go of it today." Sure, St. Martin has other fantastical stories associated with him but I love this one story of simplicity. Of a radical conversion in his life that caused him to change. Martin´s journey took about 5 years, change rarely seizes us one night and wham-o, I am a new improved better human being. Change is the gradual shifts of the heart that happen everyday, I talk about those often, but rarely do I see a "New! Improved! Digitally Enhanced! Better!" me instantly. Growing up in a culture of instant gratification, I want those changes, NOW, thank you very much! But we must wait, I ask my children for patience daily. Why is it so difficult for me to wait for the savory gifts in this life?

Each year the children and maestros of Los Charcos have their Caminata de Faroles. For this festival, the school chooses a cause to donate to in honor of San Martin. Last year we brought donations for the state of Tabasco, suffering from the mud-slides and hurricanes. This year the community will focus on the orphans from the girls orphnage, Santa Julia, specifically, two scholarships to Los Charcos. The two candidates deserve the right to a wholistic education, they have lived through trauma...the girls have no family to provide for them, that is trauma enough. My mother heart aches for all of the girls in Santa Julia, all of them deserve the love and support a community can bring, especially one like Los Charcos. I know the capacity for love in this Waldorf school, it is immense and all children have a right to receive this. Not just my children because I can afford to pay tuition.

Parque Juarez, in San Miguel de Allende, this Sunday November 9, 2008, will be illuminated by children from pre-school to junior high, carrying lanterns, walking slowly, singing songs. The children I think are unaware of how beautiful this sight is, a generous moment for all adults present. Last year I could not stop the constant stream of tears down my face. No tears of sadness, only joy and pure love for every child in the procession. Festival de San Martin is the lantern for my soul, watching the children that shape our future...walking, giving, loving in communion.

What a Week

2008-11-06T20:02:00.003-06:00

With Richard´s return this week, and only for one week boo-hoo, I have discovered...I don´t need acupuncture. What I need is the support of my husband, just to hear his voice not through my Verizon wireless cell phone. I am listening to hims read from a dictionary (it was Sebastian´s night to choose a story, what can I say he takes after me) to the kids. There is tranquility, there is harmony, Monday night I even saw two shooting stars while standing outside with only my husband. A week of the small gifts that I appreciate after his long absence from home. Saturday Richard will go back to Houston, back to work, back to what really is a struggle right now. Maybe I´ll go back to acupuncture but it won´t work, my soul needs Richard and my life is painful without him, right here live and in person. Richard, you tell me I am strong but I´m only half as strong without you here.

Halloween

2008-10-30T21:21:00.008-06:00

I was going to tell you all about my last two day s of acupuncture but I must discuss Halloween instead. This may surpise all of my friends and loved ones in the United States but I despise Halloween. What is the significance in the day, why do we pass out candy and let our children gorge themselves on candy for that evening? Three Halloween´s have passed without my children being any wiser to the sugar coma inducing evening. This year I indulged and am regretting it.

As I emailed a friend earlier; Roarke was "unbearable by 5:26 pm (I know because I looked at the clock), two hours and ten pieces of candy later...I was ready to snatch him bald" or something along those lines. By 7:45, Sebastian had punched two 4th graders in the testicles, he says they were threaating to hit him and his friend with a bat. Hmmm...I think if someone is coming after me with a bat I run to the safe place, not take time out to punch two boys in the balls and make a kid almost twice his size cry. Tenacity or assholisity? I am not sure. I was really looking forward to rearing the next Gandhi but it looks like my boys have other plans in mind, like Napoleon (Sebastian is not a tall boy after all) and the Bruiser (because Roarke is a tall boy). Great, my best hope right now is they will form THE rock and roll band for their time. Which leads me to my homeschool lesson of the week...

Since I cannot listen to the White Stripes EVERYDAY at 8am I thought to put different discs in the CD changer in the car. This week commences the education of quality alternative (one bordering on punk, hooray!), guitar heavy, fables in songs week. My choices were Sterophonics "Language.Sex.Violence. Other?" I know, the title makes me sound crazy, but the song Sebastian likes is "Superman" (you know, 7.75 year´s old) and the gist of the lyrics is shut the f*!# up, stop talking because you´re not doing anything. And believe me, I translate lyrics for the under 8 crowd so they can understand metaphor. We do it through explaining politics via "rock and roll" ideas. Hence the statement "George Bush is wrecking the planet" a la Sebastian. Then Isabel "George Bush is a very mean man and he doesn´t like other people to be happy." I really don´t know how they came to these conclusions! And yes, my children think Bono is a better man than the current President of the United States.

My second choice, Death to the Pixies disc #2. After digging out the Pixies, I was so happy. Yes, it makes me want to drive fast (which is an impossibility in Mexico), but Frank Black and the song "Debaser"!? Crikey, I can teach French Film criticism on that song alone (i.e. I am un chien Andalusia!). Now, that is my form of un-schooling, I guess Waldorf just needs to get my back for math and reading. I am teaching the poingnant stuff, right? Now go listen to the Pixies and this weeks classic alternative/possibly post punk music/Intro to French Film un-schooling adventure.

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Acupuncture 001

2008-10-28T16:47:00.004-06:00

Okay, so my neck is still achy and i have 2 more sessions of acupuncture this week. In total I will spend about $600 MXP (which is less than $60 USD these days) for three days of acupuncture, I am putting a giant prayer out to the universe to help this heal my neck. To begin with Sandra, another Los Charcos mother, took a brief clinical history. You know diseases in the family, general health, blah, blah...after that she asked me to stick out my tongue. Sandra looked at my tongue for about 45 seconds "Um...hmm...now I will make your treatment." I don´t know what she saw on my tongue but her fingers found all the spots that ached intensely and she put the needles in.

With the 4th needle she put in, left shoulder blade, she hit this painful spot. All of a sudden there was a rush of pain up my shoulder blade to my head, my left ear got all tingly, then the crown of my head was tingly and super hot. I was starting to think, okay this really sucks or I´m having an induced Kundalini moment, when the colors in the room got really bright, my green shirt went electric green in front of me. Ten seconds later the pain was gone along with the color intensity. All the needles in my back were taken out, Sandra put one on the crown of my head, had me lie down and placed 4 more needles on me; the outer portion of both wrists and the outer portion below my kneecaps on both sides. I laid on the table listening to music, that sounded like Grieg, you know that gorgeous weeping emotive orchestral stuff, and waited 15 minutes for her to return.

While I´m laying there wondering about cellos and electric violins and new age music, I start to notice, crap the fingertips on my left hand feel like they are oozing painfulness. Might as well start praying with the new age music...pain leave my body through my fingertips, seep into this table, travel down the legs of this table and rest in the coolness of the concrete floor, let me walk over the worry the discomfort and keep on moving, for the sake of my children please make it go away (because I am not pleasant in my bitching to everyone right now!), sink my pain and sorrows in to the earth and plant a seed. Seeds hold within them the power of change, growth and wholeness...please let my nagging, irritating sorrow from pain become something else. So, I am waiting and going back tomorrow for more of my treatment plan. Now I need a smoking cessation acupuncture session I think.

When I came home to type this I kept hearing this soft banging noise. I knew I didn´t leave a window open because I checked all the windows 5 times this morning when I heard the same banging noise. So, I turn around. Perched in the office window on the metal grid of bars is this beautiful bird looking at me and pecking on the window. I have no idea what kind of bird it is, his breast is bright yellow, his face is white except for a blank band around his eyes (he looks like a bandit), and his beak is thick and black, maybe woodpeckerish. This bird we have seen hanging about for days in the window, in the tree out back and I wonder why has s/he come? Though I´m not a superstitious, I like the idea of signs. When I think of birds I think of migration, flow, weightlessness. Maybe this bird pecking on the window is saying I will take it, I will take your pain and carry it into the winds where it will disperse and not consume you, or anyone, ever again. Thanks little bird, you and Sandra gave me gifts today, even if the notions are of my own crafting, the power of positive thinking can get us all farther along than wallowing in fear, worry and negativity.

Better yet, maybe this bird is like the squirrel in "Little Acorns" by the White Stripes. Remember that post? I said I´m going to "be like the squirrel, take all my problems and carry them off in a shopping cart" (and if you haven´t listened to that song yet, go find it, it´s fantastic!). So, my bird friend is here to remind me, peck it apart into manageable pieces and go from there. Acupuncture and an interesting voyeuristic bird, that´s a very fine day!

Thinking about "The Fountainhead"

2008-10-25T21:37:00.004-05:00

Two weeks ago I had a discussion with a gentleman, aged 85 to perfection, about Ayn Rand´s prolific work "The Fountainhead". The man was named Sid, is an architect, though he hasn´t practiced in many years, and was intrigued by Roarke´s name having read Rand´s book. Sid also studied under Frank Lloyd Wright. What I didn´t know is that the character of Howard Roark had been loosely associated with Wright when the book came out. Here is Wikipedia´s all too brief synopsis of Roark, the namesake of our Roarke.

Howard Roark
Howard Roark, Rand's main protagonist, is "tall and gaunt"- "His hair was neither blond nor red, but the exact color of ripe orange rind." An aspiring architect with a unique and uncompromising creative vision, he contrasts sharply with the staid and uninspired conventions of the architectural establishment. He ignores the driving preoccupations of the world around him: wealth, status, social standing among the elite. Roark takes pleasure in the act of creation. But, he is constantly opposed by "the hostility of second-hand souls", the second-handers; those unwilling or afraid to recognize his creative ability.

To that I must add that Roark was unafraid of this life, he knew he could do more and yet when times called for it he would do whatever it took for him to survive in this world. Trying again and again, until he could produce quality without compromise. One has to stop and pause because it is quality that matters in this world and not quantity. Look at what quantity has done to first the economy of the U.S. while spreading it´s reach into the global economy. Now, I pause to think about what happens when you name your son after an enigmatic book character and he develops into his own person that parallels written, unpresumed qualities. I wanted to instill all those qualities in my children. It seems doubly concentrated in my Roarke.

At the same party where I talked with the octogenarian architect there were also many friends. One friend said "Roarke´s shirt is on inside out". To which I replied; "I know, he dressed himself, I told him it was inside out and he didn´t want to change it." This may seem simple to some, but to tell my Roarke that something isn´t within the norm and socially acceptable is like signing on to WWIII, seriously...you haven´t heard a kid screamed until you´ve seen Roarke and his theatrics. Yes, this is a serious pain in my ass...can´t you just put on clothes the way everyone else does or the myriad of other things other people do in a day but he refuses to participate in. In next breath I have to say to myself, well...we picked his name and gave him a title to go into this world with, pick a less controversial name next time. (By the way, I don´t think there will be a next time for me, Roarke requires energy that could not be diverted to an additional kid.)

In these crazy turbulent times I think about Roark and Roarke. Their passion, their stick-to-it-ness, how they are abrasive to the rest of the world, strong personalities which refuse to follow the flock. Never did I want to rear children that were pushovers without a sense of what is at the core right or wrong, abusive and non-abusive. That is my Roarke, painful for this mother to rear (just follow the rules damnit!) but in him I see the budding of this man that is strong beyond what I can imagine. Ayn Rand may have been an author to despise, disagree with, call crazy because of Objectivism...BUT she was also an author that gave my husband and myself the name a of a strong man, uncompromising in his duties as a creative human with the ability to survive scorn from his peers. To my Roarke; I hope your name serves you, I hope your load will be lighter to bear than fictional Howard Roark, though I think you are the right soul to meet the ugliness in life and rise up with your dignity intact.

P.S. Can anyone explain to me why Peter Keating´s Wiki entry is twice as long as Roark´s? For me, Roark was the central character with character in Rand´s book and yet we get a blurb. Did I miss something?

32 Year with Goldman Sachs and Treasury Secretary

2008-10-25T00:05:00.003-05:00

I have the utmost repsect for Bill Moyers. Here is the link to this weeks opening for "Bill Moyers Journal" at PBS.org. To think Paulson wanted a blank check. Acting fast still requires acting in the best interest of the American public, not the financial industry. For Paulson, I don´t think he knows what is best for John Q. Public (forget Joe the Plumber, this is the phrase my daddy taught me and it holds more weight! AND, AND...he voted Republican all his life John McCain). Well, watch and make your own decision.

The Skunk Funk

2008-10-23T19:28:00.003-05:00

Here´s an update to what my week has been like. Sunday we went to the christening party for Lucinda Richards and it was lovely, out in the country the mountains still green and the sky...the sky is that beautiful blue you see in high altitude places. There was a trampolin, a playset, pony rides, an ice cream man, lots of food and a staffed bar. That is how I enjoy spending Sunday´s, invite me to all your functions! I promise to be vivacious and charming if you get my kids away from me, happily, and feed me. My bad move for the day though was the comment that my 38 year old mortal coil is starting to show signs of discomfort in places I didn´t know existed 3years ago. Oh, foershadowing in real life...

When I came home from the party I noticed just how much my kids work me, I feel like Cinderella some days. Do this, no you did it wrong, why don´t you listen to me...and this is my kids talking to me, not the other way around. The "mommy can you get me (fill in the blank)" is running me ragged. These children think they need a full time staff and I am one. I paid for those few hours of bliss because when we got home, I didn´t sit down until 9:30 when they were asleep, finally! That is when the constant twinge in my neck (it´s been there for 3 weeks) started to generate more pain so I went to bed.

About 3 am I wake up because there is this horrible smell in my nostrils, I feel like puking and I hear Frankie barking outside my bathroom. I go to the bathroom and realize I´ve left the window open and Frankie, our fearless canine protector, has picked a fight with a skunk. Great, it stinks like roadkill in my bathroom, can´t wait for the morning when Frankie comes inside the house to eat.

Monday morning at 6:40 I wake up, I can´t move my neck. Fabulous, this is really turning out to be the God-forsaken Monday. I push the snooze, wake up 20 minutes later and decide this is one of those days I´m opting for bed, even over the liberation of 3 kids at school. When you cannot turn your head to the left, it´s really best not to drive my sleepy brain told me. I passed out until around 9:30 am, the kids were saying "let´s go to school" and I said "I can´t turn my head we are not going anywhere until I have to get Martha at 2:15." Until then, I talk with Stephanie, schedule a massage in the afternoon, put a hot compress on my neck and lay vertical. Of course Frankie stinks like nobody´s business and the urge to vomit comes in waves. Lovely, it´s such a perfect day.

I went for my massage, which I scheduled remember, and was told when I arrived: "Oh I can´t do it right now, come back at 6pm". It was 4pm, I have 3 children at home 20 minutes away, hell no I am not coming back in 2 hours I need it now! So I take my business elsewhere, to the Jasmine Spa; where I am massaged, by a man no less and worked the multitude of knots out of my shoulders. By Tuesday I felt like I had been pommeled in the shoulder blades by many fists. And Frankie still had the skunk funk.

Lead us to today, my shoulders and neck are in a constant dull manageable ache. I´ve scheduled acupuncture for next week and am really not looking foward to needles 3 days in a row. The kids have come home telling me how the maestro/as are looking for piojos (maybe I spelled it correctly, in any case it´s lice) in their hair and I am less than enthused. On a good note, our Pediatrician told us a few years ago lice only enjoy clean heads, which exempts my children because they love to roll in the dirt and go to bed dirty...frankly I´m cool with that. So no lice yet, just in case I´m keeping them extra dirty for a few weeks. On a really positive note, Richard is in Houston, gainfully employed, Houston is so much closer than Indianapolis and apparently in much better economic shape, he said the malls are packed with people. How is that possible? Oh, town of oil moguls, the rest of the country cannot afford Cartier anymore.

Meanwhile in finishing this blog, my children have gone from playful wrestling to eye for an eye justice which signals to me, I have to go and have yet another philosophical conversation. You would think my kids would get so tired of my pontificating they would stop practicing this brand of "justice". To the under 8 crowd, a punch must still be so exhilirating you can tune out your mother´s wrath.
An exciting week so far!

P.S. Frankie still stinks, when does the skunk funk go away?

Let´s Go Eskimo!

2008-10-23T12:05:00.001-05:00

Because it makes me laugh. SNL Palin rap

Lessons from the Third World

2008-10-23T11:02:00.001-05:00

I took these photos in Kampala, Uganda. Our first morning in Africa. Remember the adversity some places in the world face when voting, look at Kenya. Get out and exercise your freedom to vote this year, every year. Use your voice, it your gift for being a citizen of the United States.

Another update

2008-10-22T10:00:00.002-05:00

Codepink updated their fund raiser for Jocelyn Voltaire. The spirit of philanthropy is still alive in the United States

Help this woman not lose her home...

2008-10-17T10:24:00.004-05:00

This video came across in a link from Codepink, thay started a fundraiser yesterday to help Jocelyn Voltaire. I hope it´s not too late to help, I´m sending in the little bit that I can. Click here to donate via Codepink.

P.S. I removed the video, goolge ANP anad you´ll find it there!

Running the Marathon

2008-10-14T08:00:00.000-05:00

Last Friday I was driving back from the morning commute to Los Charcos (school) when I saw an amazing thing. The official title was "Maraton de Peregrinos 2º" which means means second annual marathon of pilgrims. I saw this religious procession the day after Betty´s post concerning the beige and mauve color scheme proposed for her beloved church. Betty, how I wish you had seen this procession of the faithful. The beginning of the marathon was a pick-up truck, Ford F150 with brown and yellow paint, in the back underneath a blue plastic tarp was the altar. Altars here have essential components; the Mexican flag, candles lit, flowers and of course, Virgen de Guadalupe (THE Queen of Mexico, dontcha know). The rainbow of colors and the simple beauty of this mobile altar made me sit, wait and watch. My next sight was a woman in a bright blue track suit running with a torch.

I was only half way through my mug of delicious black tea from Rwanda (thank you ´becca!) so immediately I said "What is going on?" Sometimes it´s hard to put all the pieces together in Mexico as an outsider, without the advantage of ample caffeination. Gradually I connected all the dots, translated all the signs into my English dominant brain and saw the herd of silver, pink and blue buses headed my way. (Travel note in Mexico: if you see lots of buses going the way you need to go, pull out quick and get ahead of them or sit for an hour and wait, I decided to pull out, quick!) I made it to nearly the front of the marathon and watched as people jumped from the moving bus, in front of me, to stand their place in line on this torch passing marathon of a pilgrimage.

Watching the people jump from the bus made me think, good Lord that is so not safe and then I thought of Duffy again. You are right, religion has become so safe. In the effort not to "offend" there is a diluted haziness of religiosity. What I saw was this beautiful explosion of movement and color in honor of God. Isn´t that religion? A Faith that moves you and takes you out of the realm of your cozy life? Good God it was a beautiful moment! There was no "blandness...(of) appearance or message" that day. I watched as these pilgrims ran the marathon for God, passing the torch from one to the next, because life is with people and spreading the message isn´t it? That is where I bow down on my knees, though I can´t commit to the Pilgrims God, I can commit to their faith. There is something larger than me, something Divine and I get the message daily: this life is great, this life is good...run the marthon. And so I am.

Global Electorate College Update

2008-10-13T23:11:00.002-05:00

Click here for an update to what the world thinks of the U.S. election. McCain is winning in Georgia and for now that´s all. While the PBS Palin poll is tied for her qualifications on the job, the rest of the world speaks up. What happens if we don´t listen?

Thomas Friedman´s Op-ED in NYT

2008-10-11T15:01:00.002-05:00

From October 7, 2008. I wish I could write like Friedman...

Old, Sad and Tired

2008-10-09T22:04:00.002-05:00

This is such old news, something that has been rehashed so many times. We should be offended that McCain keeps reeling this fish back in, looks like he learned swiftboat tactics well. Again, the fears of some Americans have been revived and we are not one iota closer to a solution to our current disaster. For land´s sake, as my Grandma used to say, wake up America. John McCain really is not your friend. Or if he is it´s the National Enquirer Variety Friend...shock, fear, sensationalism, a little more fear and a splash of mis-information. Dig Deeper America.

Proof people vote with their eyeballs...

2008-10-09T17:07:00.002-05:00

Okay, different content and interesting premise by Freakonomics bloggers. Hey, they are renegade economists and I haven´t inspected the "Patriot Dollars". I think if we went by Patriot Dollars Obama would have won and we´d be done with this charade. Enjoy the link.

Still Pondering the Debate

2008-10-09T15:18:00.003-05:00

I started watching the debate as soon as I got home from taking trash to town. Yes, taking my maggot infested garbage was more important than watching the debate from the start. Here is where I got in; McCain saying he was going to give a $5000 tax credit for families to pay for insurance. Hmm, please do correct me, but didn´t he think that was unreasonable when Hillary had similar options, "it will never work" I remember hearing but this election is all such a blur, just the way politicians like it. I have no problem with him coming to new conclusions but, he should have given props to Clinton and not bagged that as his own idea. Believe me John, can I call you John since you think I am your "friend", no woman that would vote for Hillary would vote for you if she held true to her ideals. I used to think I´d vote for Hillary until Obama came along. Again, John, I´m not sticking with the vagina-factor on the ticket.

I loved the use of his colloquialisms: "We need a cool hand at tiller." This from "the Maverick" candidate, Mr. Independent. His speechwriters must think I don´t pay attention to what he is actually saying and forget Mr.Maverick and Mrs.Sparkles images portrayed outside of the realm of debate. Too many times did he say "I have the experience." Please don´t fall for that subliminal message. John, you are cavelier enough to say "Bomb, bomb, Iran", experience should have told you that was a moronic thing to say. Perhaps you were caught up in the exhilirating moment but I can see where your brand of experience is leading me. And as for your response; you were talking to veterans and if anyone doesn´t understand it then just get a life. I have a life John, I don´t want you in it. Just sayin´. Okay, back to debate issues though, I do get riled up.

McCain´s two top priorites:
1. National Security
2. Security for the men and women in the armed forces abroad
I suppose his interest in me is lumped into National Security but let me tell you, I feel safer abroad than in the good ole USA. I´m less afraid of terrorist on American soil than freaks, I mean fellow Americans, that like to hurt children, which I have three of and would kill the person that hurt them. Yes, for all my non-violence, I protect my kiddos like a tiger. So, where does my family fit into your priorities? In the future we will be forced to deal with Iran, Russia, Afghanistan, Pakistan, India, China...uhh, the developing world. I don´t think a President that has sung his ditty to bomb could successfully protect National Security because you just made yourself a target, dumbass. Remember my eye for an eye brand of justice blog? Unfortunately politics operates on that failed method and "You betcha" Pres. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad will remember your trite 42 seconds and fuck the American public because you laughed. Thanks John, you´re a real wonder boy!

My last thought for the debates was "Which dude could I really have a conversation with? Which man is speaking to me? Which man would listen to me?" Break this down to which candidate is going to listen to people, period. John McCain says "I have experience, I can do this job." Sorry, you cannot do this job alone. In Obama I see a reasonable man willing to listen to people and seek advisors to help guide the country in the right direction, diplomacy. With McCain, I see this false representation of cowboy machoism that worked with Reagan (not so much for you John) the world is different now and this is not the wild west, no more shoot ´em up cowboy...let´s talk, like the civilized folks do. In the President I am not looking for the King of Everything, a "maverick". I´m looking for a person that sees himself as the leader for 300 million different voices and recognizes among all that chatter where we are fundamentally the same. If you don´t think Obama can accomplish this, hopefully we´ll talk in 4 years. I´m willing to risk it with him because I can´t take a risk with "McPalin".

Post Script: While listening to McCain, I noticed his subdued lyrical voice, very good, PERFECT for reading children´s stories and sleep inducement. Books on tape could be an option as a job for you Senator McCain.

Post Script Script: I´ve decided to call you Senator McCain because really, I´m not your friend, unless you read my blog, then I´ll consider it. You´re going to have to answer some tough questions from this mama, amigo. Can we go bi-lingual when we´re friends?

Severin Suzuki girl Extraordinaire

2008-10-06T16:12:00.006-05:00

This is what I´m talking about. Children changing the world. This young girl was so brave to speak to the United Nations, so wise to raise a voice of reason. I love that she tells us "If we don´t know how to fix it then stop breaking it." Hmmm...I just said that to my 3 year old today. She takes valuable words, from the mouths of adults to teach lessons to our children. Encouraging us as adults to follow through with our own words. How I pray my children will be as sage, will have paid attention to my demands for civility in the home and in the world. If a 12 to 13 year old can grasp the concept of right and wrong action and critique the society she lives in, why is this task insurmountable for adults? Thank you Paloma for the link to hope.

My eyes popped out of my head!

2008-10-03T10:40:00.003-05:00

Yes, I really had to push my eyeballs back in my head last night when I watched the debates. Did Palin really say she was eager to see what the Congress and Senate would let her powers be? Yes, she really did, I see her lips moving and heard her clearly and I said "whaaattt?" As in expansion of VP powers? Sorry, still second in command, rooted firmly (well, not after Cheney) in the executive branch. Then Glenn asked "Do you mean to say you believe the VP is a member of the legislative and not executive branch?" Thanks for asking the question I was wondering, Gwen.

However, I was too busy popping my eyeballs back in my head to listen to Palin´s response, which I am going to do today. I have to give Palin props, she is charming and "super-friendly" but I´m really not buying it. And I didn´t count how many times Biden said "Obama...change...my friend John...is wrong..." but I got the mantra after about 15 minutes, okay? Give me some substance candidates and stop wasting my time!

Auto Lavado

2008-10-02T19:14:00.003-05:00

To the muchachos at the auto lavado at the bottom of Sterling Dickinson in San Miguel de Allende: I bless the ground you walk on and you are my real life heroes. You washed my minivan inside and out for a mere $8 USD. You bring me joy every time I get in my van. Because of the absence of mold on my carpet, because it doesn´t smell like trash. Just Monday my minivan smelled like garbage, my husband´s Land Rover is "too nice" to take the garbage to town in. Well you are too nice now, you beautiful clean machine, though you are a lowly Honda Oddessey.

The best treat of all, finding that the carseat, which endured Isabel´s toddler/preschool years and now Roarke´s, had been power washed and vaccumed to it´s pre-anyone-sitting-in-me nastiness. You deserve better clientele than me and a better tip than I gave you, even though you were grateful. Life is about living in mutual appreciation, gratefulness for one another, and though my car being clean is mundane to the extreme, that is when life experience happens, in the mundane little details of the day. If we are too busy to stop and take notice then appreiate those millions of little things in the day we lose the human-ness, the humane-ness in our lives. So thank you for clean windows, no mold and a not disgusting car seat you are gracious men of service and valor to tackle my neglected property.

21st Century lawn mowing

2008-09-30T16:14:00.005-05:00

This is our highly efficient 21 st century lawn mower, isn´t he cute. This baby bull cow, as Roarke calls him, has been here about three days and is making his way through our grasses. Evidently life is so sweet here he doesn´t want to find his herd or be found and I haven´t put out an APB letting others know, "your cow is at my house!" I´m secreting him away so I can avoid hiring a gardener, because of all the trades, the gardener is the last to show, if he/she ever does. Baby bull cow (b.b.c.) has soft fuzzy hair and watches us as we walk around but seems content to ignore us. Because he is so docile the kids totally ignore the bull. In our little sanctuary here away from the nosiness of town, I like that the grass can even be mowed in a quiet non-obtrusive fashion. Thanks for hanging out with us b.b.c. Stay as long as you like but no pooping on the patio, this mother has some limits.

A Problem with My Ego

2008-09-26T15:59:00.004-05:00

I just returned from the presentation at Los Charcos and while I should be telling you all about that I cannot stop fixating on something else. My ego and how it has been injured over something so funny it makes me have belly laughs but I still wonder, aren´t I good enough? Explanation follows...

There is a couple that is well known here for being...swingers. I know I´m laughing right now too, this is good people, soap opera good which is fun sometimes. So this summer the Mr. propositioned another friend with "oh you have such beautiful hair and umph! it´s the total package that is good". Proceeding to invite her to step out on her marriage and have some fun with this Latiño Russell Crow, he really does look like Russell. Well, we had some good laughs and of course, that is complimentary to your ego but pisses off your husband, understandably.

Today, Russell propositioned the HUSBAND of a friend of mine. No,not that way. He offered to "make love" to my friend´s wife. Oh man, I had a really good laugh over that one!! That is a bold move. He must have seen something in them that made him feel like "hey, if I do your wife she will love you more." Indeed, he did say something about alleviating the other dude´s wife of anger thereby making it easier to love her husband. What the hell kind of sunglasses did he have on because I get a totally different picture of them!

My ego issues; I´ve known this dude for a year now, he´s never propositioned me! What is wrong with me? I know this is stupid, but my rear end looks mighty fine in my chocolate brown corduroys, good enough to bite my husband says...oops, let that one slip. Hey, my ego is injured, give me a break! I just have to think it must be the imposing figure of my husband, to protect my ego of course. And my husband will be very dissapointed when he reads this, I don´t actually want to knock boots with Russell but could I just get a "hey, nice ass!" sometime? My ego needs it but I don´t really. Now I will shut up because you have all seen the shallow side of me, hope you enjoyed the visit!

To my new friends Pedge and Kate

2008-09-26T09:44:00.002-05:00

There is a new family at Los Charcos and I was talking with another amazing mother, Kate, the other day. We talked while waiting for the bus, she asked me about myself, I told a little, I asked for her story, it was a great conversation. The next day Kate came up to me and said "I´m so sorry I asked about you and then started talking about myself." Surprised, that is how I felt, that she wanted to listen to my story and felt like she hadn´t paid enough attention, when really she had. Go to Pedge´s post in which she noticed that we need lessons "in the civilized art of listening". My heart is light because I have found the quality of friend that recognizes when to listen and if she feels she hasn´t done her job as a person, she makes amends for it. Thank you Pedge for todays insight into human relations (I said that in my most official voice you know).

And today´s Inspirational message is...

2008-09-25T18:20:00.004-05:00

Okay, big short blog day, my mind is always awhirl with ideas! My inspiration this moment comes from The White Stripes and Little Acorns. If you don´t know their music, this is a fantastic song, unfortunately there is no good video for this song. So, here is how the song begins in an announcers voice, think Jim from "What Do You Know" on NPR)

When problems overwhelm us and sadness smothers us where do we find the will and the courage to continue? Well the answer may come in the caring voice of a friend,a chance encounter with a book, or from a personal faith.
For Janet help came from her faith, but it also from a squirrel. Shortly after her divorce, Janet lost her father, then she lost her job.
She had mounting money problems. But Janet not only survived she worked her way out of despondency and now she says, life is good again. How could this happen? She told me that late one day when she was at her lowest she watched a squirrel storing up nuts for the winter, one at a time he would take them to the nest. And she thought, if that squirrel
can take care of himself with the harsh winter coming along, then so can I. Once I ripped my problems into small pieces I was able to carry them,just like those acorns, one at a time.

And so I am ripping my problems into small pieces because "a burden in the hand is lighter than in the heart" I am gonna be the squirrel , thank you to the White Stripes!

And one more video tribute for Sebastian from the White Stripes also. This is to you my funny almost 8 year old, I love rocking out while you play air guitar and I bang the drums. In my world we are a family of rockstars and I dig that you LOVE groove-a** music. Thank goodness it´s not the millions of crappy "musicians" inhabiting this planet, and yes I did just pass judgement (I draw the line at good music!) And yes, again, the name of the song is "Seven Nation Army". I would like to think this is a critique of the "eye for an eye" which is so ever present in my life, when we open our minds to change we begin to gather tools. I´m gathering tools to help my children think outside of the box, sometimes that comes in the form of rock and roll, I´ll take it where I can get it. And now, prepare to ROCK!!!

I just have to say...

2008-09-25T12:51:00.001-05:00

that I have been disappointed by the unkindness of others today. Today I am having dealings with a person of the Buddhist persuasion and am wondering how that person can call himself/herself Buddhist. There is no compassion, no graciousness and then they throw out little personal barbs. Big sigh. THIS is why I do not choose organized religion of any brand, the flock stray too far from the herder giving out the message. There has to be a lesson of compassion for me in this and I am failing because if that Buddhist were standing in front of me right now, they would receive a hard kick in the buttocks. Again with the catch 22, why can´t I let go and love anyway, why is this so flipping hard?!

A New Green Economy

2008-09-25T09:43:00.002-05:00

Today I found a website called greenjobsnow.com. Saturday September 27, 2008 is the national day of action for green jobs, asking the Presidential candidates to take a good look at the economy, with the high unemployment rates, AND global warming. This seems to be a sound notion to pull the economy out of a slump and address the global dependence on depleting oil supplies, why didn´t we start this in thte 70´s with the first oil crisis? Well, as I am not a policy maker, I can only conjecture as to why it has taken and additional 30 odd years to get green power back on the table on a massive scale.

I remember reading Stud Terkel´s book "The Good War" in 1984, that was the beginning of my confusion over the issues of war. Somewhere in the book I recall reading, war is good for the economy, jobs as soldiers were created and then of course jobs created to build the weapons neccessary to sustain the war. This seemed to be paradoxical to me at the time, and still does. Yes, we create jobs, but is war psychologically the best way to employ the masses in hard times? I have a hard time believing that, the devisivness created in a persons psyche to build those weapons of mass destruction...I believe it to be detrimental to individuals and society as a whole.

As for WWII, if you ask my mother, dropping the A-bomb on Japan was absolutely neccessary to a.) prevent more deaths (in United States mind you, Japan drew the short straw on that one.) b.) end the war. Well, the A-bomb definitely ended that war and left a legacy, how future wars will be fought. I still hear about rules of engagement during war but it seems we must all be cheating when bombs are dropped from the sky and there is no face to the people below you that are now perishing. Let it be known, most countries conduct war this way now and I am critical of that process, not just one country. This year U.S. arms sales are projected to be around $34 billlion, that´s a lot of money for one industry to pull in, it´s also 45% more in arms sales than 2007. Does anyone else think this is a staggering jump? Furthermore, we´ve all seen footage from 9-11, why continue to make more bombs, airplanes can be used as weapons of mass destruction. All the "smart bombs" in the world won´t help if people are smarter and more dasterdly than the weapons being produced.

The point of my diatribe on war, arms proliferation, massive global spending for weapons the U.S. produces: Do we fully expect the weapons won´t be used against the united States? I do, remember my blog post about an eye for an eye? Really folks, you don´t have to become entrenched in government, policymaking and diplomacy to see the writing on that wall, observing my children makes a clear case for avoiding an eye for an eye. So now, I think about the $34 billion being spent by foreign countries on weapons. That is a big chunk of change that could be used for R&D of sustainable living and help an entirely new market of green power emerge, globally. A new emerging market to invest in that would be for the good of the planet, is that really a revolutionary idea? Definitely green power seems to be the most sane choice for this family.

All I am asking of global leaders is to inspect the choices, what sort of world would they like to create for their children and grandchildren? Are we so vastly different that we can´t make decisions that sustain life on our planet, OUR world? I believe in the Declaration of Independence: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness." in 1776, we were declaring independence from a "despot regime" today I think we need to consider independence from oil. There is a whisper of change occurring and it becomes our job, as citizens, to stop whispering and project our voices for change. This Saturday you may not have a green job but evaluate your actions and determine, how can I make my world green and sane? And if anyone knows how to turn our cars to solar powered vehicles, I have a spare bedroom and a muy comoda casa for you to enjoy while we work on that!

Junta-ed Out

2008-09-23T16:04:00.007-05:00

With Waldorf schooling, so come juntas (meetings), lots of them. (Lots of birthday parties too which I am proud to say, they all get character pinatas loaded with candy, it is solidarity my friends.) Today I had a junta with Sebastian´s maestro so we can address Sebastian´s mid-line issues and now the word dyslexia has been said, once. Personally I´ve had my suspiscions about dyslexia and Sebastian for a time but gave up freaking out about it because what good has it done any of us? Nada, we are looking for creative solutions to help Sebastian learn the written language.

While I was waiting for the end of school and the beginning of my meeting this is what I observed at Colegio Los Charcos: the wind in the trees, a piano being played, children laughing in a classroom, cuentos en Español en la ronda (circle story time), a Blue Jay (1 meter away) squaking and pecking a beetle on the tree, a flute joining in with the piano, ki-ki-ki-a-ri from the gallo in story circle, and finally the old-fashioned school bell rung by hand. How I felt afterwards: calm, quiet, sure of my decision to live here and participate in Waldorf schooling as a family. The world is collapsing around us but in the space of the Colegio, there is safety, wonder, love and hope. Like a delicious, silky rebozo where you are wrapped into it´s embrace.

The meeting today with Maestro Thomas is the 2nd in a yearlong series for us. Maestro has decided to "make a study of Sebastian" and find alternative ways to help him when he reverses his letters, help him become a reader in a low-impact, low-freakout, no stress fashion. When I told the maestro how difficult it was to read with Sebastian at home he said stop, stop reading, stop pushing, let´s find a different approach. Whoa, I couldn´t believe my ears, education isn´t about struggle? It´s not about sitting down until you finish the miserable task of homework reduced to a puddle of tears? As a path of least resistance gal, I was in love. More importantly I was in wonder. My ideas of progress always contain an element of pain, struggle, conquer, I have to re-learn my ideas which I am gladly doing.

My homework, given to me by Thomas is; get Sebastian on his bike more often, enroll him in the Gravity Works class here (not gymnatics, but a "circus" class on trapeze artistry), have Sebastian mold the letters out of clay in print and cursive, massage his feet in the morning to wake him up and wash his face with cold water in the morning to help him enter his body. I said "Is that it? I feel like I should be doing more?" The response; "We are here to help you do the rest. It is a long aggrivating process alone, but it is not unmanageable if we work together." You know I´m crying don´t you? My children are so well cared for in their whole person the moment they step into the space of Colegio Los Charcos, they are cared for the way I strive to care for them and sometimes fail, but the message they receive is consistent: you are loved, you are important to me, to this world and I will help you always. Today I am breathing a big sigh of relief but hoping the calendar is free of juntas for just one week.

Global Electoral College

2008-09-23T11:12:00.002-05:00

The Economist has come out with a great concept, The Global Electoral College, just for fun that is. I don´t want to live in a one world order. Link here to vote for the next President of the United States in a mock global election. The statistics are provided and you can click on different countries to see the percentage of votes per candidate. Pass the link on to all you know, it will be interesting to see what the global and then national decisions will be. I know it´s cliché but rock the vote!

Guadalupe Loves All Mamas

2008-09-20T11:04:00.011-05:00

I wear this bracelet as a daily reminder of the beauty of motherhood and the extreme sacrifices entailed on my path, though not nearly as painful as the Virgen´s. I´m hoping you all love Guad as much as I do and want one! The beads with the images are wooden with glass beads in between, on an elastic one-size-fits-all band and the bracelet is 1 3/4" wide. There are six images: 2 of Guadalupe, La Señora de Nuestra Salud, San Martin (patron saint of soldiers but an interesting man because of his pacifist nature), San Judas de Tadeo (patron saint of desperate cases-definitely mothers!), and Mary, Joseph and child Jesus as a family. The bracelets are $10, which includes shipping and handling to the U.S. Invite a little bit of Mexican kitsch into your life! Click here to order through Pay Pal.com and enter my email address, resirca@gmail.com, as the recipient of funds. Tell your friends and family and their friends and family too!

Today I am Grateful For Martha

2008-09-20T00:21:00.002-05:00

Martha (pronounced Martá) is our domestic saint, the word maid is muy fea. Today while I was running errands she was here with Isabel and Roarke, this was the pleasant surprise left for me.

Tonight I went to find my pajama bottoms. For several weeks my shelf in the closet that holds my pajamas, t-shirts and the like has been a disaster, thanks to three kids that like to hide in closets. I´ve been meaning to get to this, although really I was hoping to just wear it all, wash it then fold it. Doesn´t matter, it was a disaster last night and tonight when I opened the closet door, everything was perfectly folded in neat little stacks. Martha, you deserve a better employer than this slacker mama but I know Martha´s secret because she told my friend Stephanie. Martha worries about me when I am alone with three kids, in the country where it´s dark. She helps me up when I fall down on slippery floors, we cried together one day because of a bad situation and she loves my children and they love Martha. You are so much more than the woman that works for me Martha and though I can´t tell you all that en Español, I believe you know that because of your acts of kindess toward me. Gracias para todos, Martha.

My Hearts Delight

2008-09-18T17:42:00.001-05:00

Today this really is my hearts delight! Thank you ´becca, I am grateful your luggage was not permanently lost because this tea tastes of Uganda which is bitter and sweet and bracingly strong. To many more memories of red stained feet my friend.

Heavy Musical Interlude

2008-09-18T16:39:00.003-05:00

This is a very heavy song by Tom Waits that has been heavy on my mind, "The Road To Peace". Though Waits is using old events in his political song to illustrate the fruitless nature of an eye for an eye, he causes me to think. How am I making a difference each moment, each day, every interaction I have? This song is another reason my failure to walk the road of peace with my children is so heavy on my mind, a parent works so hard to instill morals but ultimately our children construct their own value system. Unfortunately, their value system can be at odds with how they were reared, as is the case of one boy in this song. I know it´s hard to listen to Tom´s scratchy voice at first but his insights into this human existence are worth the effort. If you care to listen to more on struggling with eye for an eye justice, here you go. From the CD set "Orphans, Brawlers and Bawlers" one woman´s (not mine)representation of Tom Waits and his thoughts on the road to peace.

An Eye for an Eye in the World and at Home

2008-09-18T11:08:00.004-05:00

Last night I watched the movie "Battle of Haditha" which if you are feeling particularly disgruntled with war you shouldn´t watch. What I picked up from the film was: the extreme difficulty in making right and wrong decisions in wartime and an eye for an eye is questionable justice. Background: The U.S. is in Iraq, trying to restore order and peace and prevent more deaths. There are Iraqi´s that are indifferent to the American´s, this is a time to be lived through. Then of course you have radical Islamic factions that have made in-roads and will destroy all American´s. How could any person, Iraqi or American, survive amidst all that hatred?

Very Quick Snyopsis:
The Iraqi patriot in the film plants an IAD to blow up a convoy of American soldiers, he succeeds in destroying one. What happens after that is of course disasterous, we´ve all read about what happened. Marines went in looking for insurgents and were told to eliminate possible rebels in two particular houses. In those houses there happened to be women, children and old men, and the story has it none of them were rebels but will we ever know the facts? In a country where to die for your religion at the hands of American´s will win you paradise, could we get a straight story? The outcome for the Iraqi patriot is tragic because he finds that in following what he thinks is right (but is reactionary only) his actions kill more of his innocent countrymen and women, than the evil American´s and he will have to live with those images of death by his actions. He never thought of the consequences beyond blowing up the convoy

This brings me to a point I was pondering yesterday. My children have this sense of an eye for an eye as justice. Because someone has done "X" to you, you in turn do "X" to them, you know! My observation, as a mother, is that people/groups cannot function with this brand of justice, this mama can´t anyway. The gratification of one punch should be easy to weigh against the consequences afterward. However, if Roarke walks up and hits Isabel (which he is want to do), what should he expect in return? Do you really think the other person isn´t going to turn around a deliver a punch? Because I think if a person is assaulted they will fight to come out on top. Yet continually I steer my children away from causing conflict, try to work peace out. But I am getting really fed up with Roarke and his three year old ways that are like a bushfire out of control.

To make Isabel and Sebastian turn the other cheek continually to Roarke´s aggressions seems unfair. To get my 3 year old to not behave like a brute is becoming increasingly difficult. With all my moral, ethical and value pondering lately, I find I come up short. Really short, because I am ready to say, to Isabel especially, come out of the corner fighting and wallop Roarke, maybe he´ll remember that and back off. But as in the film that doesn´t happen. The fight leads to a larger disaster, grand consequences, more offenses and then my family will stop fuctioning. I am trying to walk the path of peace with my children, but it is super slippery and today I cannot get proper footing.

On Adventure and Love

2008-09-14T20:35:00.008-05:00

In case you are in need of a film that shows just how strong the human spirit is, here is a trailer for "God Grew Tired Of Us". This is the story of a few of the Lost Boys from Sudan, their story is tragic, emotional and fiercly beautiful. I encourage you to visit your local video store or library to find a copy.

Our Experience in Africa:
During the Christmas season Sebastian and I traveled to Gulu, Uganda to be with our best friends, ´becca and Elliott Nimrod. Though this adventure, began with a joke:

´bec: come with us to Uganda to wean Roarke!

me: okay i´ll talk to Richard.

Richard: sounds like a great idea, book the tickets!

Yes, it really was that easy folks. I´ll endure cataloupe sized boobs while weaning anyday if I can travel to the unknown places of my world. Even 24 hours of travel with an almost 7 year old. Hell, one kid...that is called an accessory! Somewhere between Amsterdam and Entebbe though, I woke up with a jolt and said "Shit, we´re really doing this aren´t we?" To no one but myself and I only wish I could tell you I had been more eloquent, but I wasn´t. No the $700 USD in painful vaccinations didn´t register "Hey, we´re going to Uganda!", only a minor "wow, my arm hurts". What it took was being on a plane, cruising over the Alp´s, with my son´s curly head resting soundly in my lap to sink in. Well, I´m 2/3´s of the way there, live the adventure.

I recall, I felt vaguely at home, people cooking over wood fires, brush burning everywhere with that acrid but pleasant smell, limited water supply, random electricity...all of these we had become accustomed to being in Mexico. Painful illnesses...I never knew my bowels could hurt so until Octobert of 2006. Mexico had provided Bash and myself with lots of extra flora and fauna, we had 2nd world antigens but man Gulu is 3rd world, can we survive 16 days of this. Now I am thinking; "what have I done bringing my 7 year old here" and I pray for the best.

What is the best is to step outside of your white self, which is hard when you are an anomaly, and start breathing like this is your last breath. Soak in every bit of what you can, because it is such a short time, when will you be back on the continent of Africa, what story can you take back that may change someone as much as it will hopefully change you? When I finally started breathing, I opened my heart and I let go of all the things I felt I had to do, I opened myself to love.

The stories my ears received were so painful to absorb, my whitebreed existence knew nothing of this sort of pain. Grace with her lovely daughter, the product of rape by the Lord´s Resistance Army (LRA), didn´t love her daughter any less. Agnes, her policeman husband murdered by thugs in Kampala. Agnes was left to provide for 5 children, one child currently in the hospital with malaria. The mad woman outside of the H.E.A.L.S. compound screaming to the maid "REBECCA, REBECCA, PLEASE OPEN THE DOOR!" The malnutrition ward of the free clinic, children didn´t suffer from starvation because of lack of food. No, they suffered from parasites, worms eating up their insides to nourish themselves. Without medicine, my discomfort in Mexico from amoebas turns into death in Africa.

I went through my days there almost perfunctorly, would listen to a person if they made their story available, but I didn´t pry. Now, I wish I had pried, the interviewer in me. But in those moments of listening I began to know this woman sitting next to me, speaking in her lyrical voice, I am cooking with her, and she has experienced a tradegy in life I heretofore have never known. I want to give her my heart, my ears, my love and sit, chopping onions and listen. For the first time in my life. I. REALLY. LISTENED.

The whole crew sat around the campfire on Christmas Eve and listened to Grandpa, Jolly Okot´s father, tell his story. Of many nights, running from their compound, in the bush hiding from the LRA with his family, praying to God not to be discovered. Most clearly I hear him saying "It is because of God that I am now here with you today. Because of God I know I have to give something to my people because we have suffered, but we have survived. God chose me to survive and I will give what I can." Norman, Grandpa...you caused my son to weep when we left you, you caused me to open myself to what love there is in this life. How could one person be worthy of such a gift? I owe you much more than I can give in this one lifetime. Of two Christmas gifts I am most grateful, Sebastian´s birth, 4:55am Christmas Day 2000, and Grandpa talking about the joy of living Christmas Eve 2007.

This is my oh so short story of Gulu and the gifts received when you untie the ribbons. I sent out an email after we returned from Gulu and I will end this post how I ended my email: Lastly, I would say to all of you, go...go to the place where you think you can help. It could be Africa, it could be the house next door to you. Just go and let your heart blossom and work for change, our lives are depending on it.

Peace to you all,
biz

A BIG P.S.
Thank you to Richard for encouraging me to believe that children have a right to travel and experience at a young age what some adults are afraid to see. That we have made three lovely children is already a joy, that you believe in the power of change because of a child...you´re my dreamboat. I know there are few husbands and fathers that are cut of your cloth. Everyday I wake up grateful for you, for your adventure, for your open heart. I love you. Thank you to ´becca for also encouraging me to belive traveling with children and teaching them about love can be done at home and in the world. ´bec, you are a constant source of inspiration in my life and I value our friendship so much more because I never thought there would be a friend like you in this world. Thank you also for your quote "go after love as if your life depended upon it...it does." To both of you, I look foward to many more adventures!

Musical Interlude

2008-09-13T19:18:00.004-05:00

As a change of events I asked my children what their favorite songs were. Here are their picks, Isabel insisted that she loved two songs so she gets 2 posts. Though I can´t account for musical criticism at their young ages, I can attest to their impeccable choice of musicians but there could have been a little more love for Radiohead shown.

ISABEL
Liam Finn- Second Chance (she calls this song "sow the seeds to life")

and Mirah- Apples in the trees

SEBASTIAN

U2 and Green Day- The Saints Are Coming

ROARKE

Sufjan Stevens- Chicago (he calls it "All Things Grow")

MAMA

Tracy Chapman-Change

Just so you know I choose this because change is my mantra for the year, I hope no political party uses this as their theme song, though I can certainly understand why one would. I have no television access here, just internet, I don´t watch the adds going on in the states, just read them. I usually watch Frontline, Bill Moyers Journal, NOW, and Bloomberg financial television. Anyway, if this song is on television, I want you all to know this is not an endorsement for anything politcal or commercial, I´m searching the wilderness within with Tracy. Unfortunately the last portion of the song is cut off.

The Conversation We Would Have on the Porch

2008-09-12T10:51:00.007-05:00

Betty´s post:
http://bettyduffy.blogspot.com/2008/09/i-cant-help-it.html

To my dear friend Betty, I miss you and your front porch. I miss the fact that we have differing opinions to bring to the table and stimulate intelligent conversation without bickering. The internet will have to suffice, here is the next round of conversation. Here we go...

Religion as a motivator for the support of a particular public policy agenda is perfectly understandable and appropriate. However, religion is inappropriate when used as the tool to gain support for that agenda. Once religion-based initiatives are introduced into the political process, those initiatives should be subject to the same critical evaluation, slings, and arrows that greet any other political initiative. Pointing to a religious motivation or claiming religious authority for a certain political position does not exempt that position from the scrutiny and criticism that are a vital part of the political process.

I do not want the government advancing my faith or any faith, religion over non-religion or non-religion over religion.
-Reverand Dr. C. Welton Grady

Grady states compactly and concisely where I feel Palin has failed in her remarks about God´s Will to her faith community. Palin´s full quote is as follows:

"God's will has to be done in unifying people and companies to get that gas line built, so pray for that," she said.

"I can do my job there in developing our natural resources and doing things like getting the roads paved and making sure our troopers have their cop cars and their uniforms and their guns, and making sure our public schools are funded," she added. "But really all of that stuff doesn't do any good if the people of Alaska's heart isn't right with God."

Again, I question Palin because she comes to her possible job as VP having stated her moral position, which I encourage see Voltaire´s quote, democracy is a catch-22 folks. However, I learned early on and continue to be fascinated by the three sectors comprising interactions in the United States: public/private/civil. The three overlap but I believe the Constitution still states clearly there is a separation between church and state. With this, are church and state not two distinct and separate segments, that can advise one another? Religiousity does not rely on a political system to make policy and Democracy does not rely on religiousity to make policy. Indeed in the Constitution of the United States God and the church are not mentioned as means to policy making, the founders of this democraacy liked the church and state in 2 tidy boxes. What public policy has been shaped by religiousity? I don´t know any answer to that question, please enlighten me.

As for Palin´s prayer, I find it disingenuous, this coming from a woman that just prayed the grass would a.) stop growing for awhile or b.) find someone to mow the grass (if this makes no sense to you, see my post "Ahh...the Weekend"). By illustrating this example, you can see I too pray for personal things. However, here is our daily familial list of prayers: the safety and well-being of our friends and family and their friends and family, the children of the world and the power of change within them, that we may know compassion, that we may see wisdom, that we may know forgiveness, and to protect our hearts from evil. Am I asking for personal gains? Absolutely, to help me and my family become better people for this entire world.

As a voter I am reluctant to vote strictly on moral matters. I am looking for a candidate that can end the divisiveness existing in the United States, help to solve moral issues (which are inherent) and address current issues American´s are facing. Where is this person? Do I think Obama would do a better job, for me and my value system? Maybe, the jury is still out. Do I think Mccain will represent my value system? Not really. Personally I´d like to see Warren E. Buffet as President and Steve Colbert as VP. We could have sound public policy, sound economic policy and laugh at Colbert in one swoop.

With that, I am saying I am a value voter too! I value my country, the Constitution, economic security, physical security which the Armed Forces do provide. We are all value voters, but which is a value are you going to elect members of government on? Anti-abortion is a moral concept, and the figure of abortions since 1973 is actually 48,589,993 with a 3% margin of error according to the National Right to Life organization. Yes, this is a staggering figure. However, what would society have done with all of those unwanted pregnancies? Would you have chosen not to bear children and adopt instead? If we make abortion illegal, how will public policy shape around the fetuses? Because it will become public policy if we ban abortion. There would be roughly 1 million more children born in the United States each year, how will we help these children? I need these questions to be answered by someone because I honestly don´t have that information.

The occupation in Iraq...you knew I would bring this up. I have been a dissenter of that war before it´s inception, I correctly predicted Bush´s hand in the war with Iraq the evening America learned he was elected in 2000. Two and a half years before the war. Clearly I remember this evening, sitting in the restaurant I managed, pregnant, with all my male gay friends and I cried. I cried for my child because I was certain with Bush came the end of the empire and the beginning of a lot of war mongering, was I wrong? You can check the daily newspapers and let me know, I check them also and I believe there is a large portion of the American public that would agree with me. The United States is f-ed up and needs fixin´.

We agree the election isn´t going to come down to two issues; anti-abortion and anti-war, but points do need to be made. Yes, I posit The Republican party in office is pro-war, despite Dem´s voting for it. Let´s face in, in the political climate of 2003, with 9/11 fresh in the psyche of citizens, no one wanted to be called a traitor to terroism or "unpatriotic". Couple that with general elections in 2003 when the Republicans took control of every branch of Federal Government, the pressure was on Dem´s not to pull bi-partisan tactics. Go with the majority, keep your head down and wait for better days. Yes, I do hold Republican´s largely responsible, the facts are there, the bed has been made and the Repub´s are lying in it, along with the Dem´s that voted for war. The question I want answered by those that voted for Bush is, how´s that working out for you? Because it´s not for me in a multitude of ways.

Advance to 2008 when we now know the story concocted around Iraq´s WMD was the witches brew. Why are we still in Iraq? Why has the Republican party in power not found a way out of this disaster? Five years and 1,033,000 total deaths due to war in Iraq (Iraqi, American and Coalition forces) as of January 2008, $575 million spent on the war in Iraq. The taxpayers of the United States have subsidized the war effort and subsequently a killing machine. Should I look at the larger picture of fetuses lost to abortion? Perhaps. Did I subsidize a woman´s choice to have an abortion? Not as far as I know. (I just had to throw that in to stir things up a bit and bring on the fact checking, I´m too lazy.)

As for heathen America, according to a Pew Global Attitudes Poll in 2001 only 24% of the population in the U.S. did not identify with any religious practice, hardly the majority and hardly safe, especially in the bible belt. Of those 24%, I wonder how many like me, have religious aspirations but cannot find the one brand of religion to get it all right? Because I have no one group, no proper church, am I uncivilized, irreligious? The way I choose to life my life and rear my children should be evidence that I am neither of those things. The ten commandments is the best foundation for moral values, but those commandments are not distinct to the Bible, many a religious text has put forth the same notions, calling it by different names.

Value voters, again, we are all value voters. I have stated clearly my values; an end to war, economic improvements, and funding for education in the States is one as well. (I have many other value judgements this is a sprinkling.) Why should values be confined to abortion, capital punishment, same sex marriage, and religion? Those are morals and there is a distinct difference between morals and values. I use my morals to choose what I value, my moral of say "thou shall not kill" extends to war but not abortion. Conundrum? Yes. Just as right-to-lifers may find war acceptable. Let us stop calling the kettle black, and this includes me, and work for change in this world finding solutions instead of just selecting the lesser of two evils.

Freakanomics Post about Oil and Water

2008-09-11T23:34:00.004-05:00

Wondering when the privatization of water will come, I read this great post on Freakonomics. Back to my favorite law Supply and Demand! In Mexico there is one gas station PEMEX, the nationalized oil industry subsidised by the Mexican government, we have only one price option, I couldn´t even guess how the price is set per liter. In this town we have a choice of purchasing for consumption, 4 maybe 5 brands of water, in the $1.90-$2.50 USD range for a 5 gallon garaphone, I use the garaphones that came with the house (i.e cheapest distributor, $1.90 per 5 gallon).

We have no water bill at our house as we are on a well in an area of San Miguel where the water table is still high. However, to use water we have to turn on an electric pump and the price of electricity is very high here. Lately, I try to avoid watering plants, putting water in the fountain, letting children play in the hose...the price of water has become expensive for us because of the consumption of electricity necessary to turn the water on and we are conserving. Supply and Demand only a little spin because of the use of electricty to generate water. Well, like I keep saying it´s rarely a perfect market. Still this idea of supply and demand holds up, I just wonder about the human consequences of charging for water, can economics account for that?

Cut and paste below or click on the title of this post to take you to the Freakonomics guest post.
http://freakonomics.blogs.nytimes.com/2008/09/11/oil-and-water-a-guest-post/

This is Rocket Boy!!!!

2008-09-11T21:56:00.004-05:00

This is Rocket Boy!!!!
This is what happens to Rocket Boy´s head when he breakdances off of the couch onto to coffee table....

I know there is a lot of dirt on his face, this is Roarke, but you should still be able to see the greenish-purple goose egg. He´s retiring from his career in breakdancing for a while.

Holes in the Road

2008-09-11T17:03:00.004-05:00

A common theme in my life right now is the repairing of broken things, remember the electricity, that´s really just the tip of the iceberg. Well, in emailing a friend today I commented on just why the pioneers had so many children a)mortality rates b)cheap labor. Really it makes sense to live in large groups, so much more can get done with the collective. Since my kids are stalling out on the invention of a family solar powered car, preferrably a Land Rover, I engaged them in another task.
Let´s Repair the Road!!!

With the rains still coming a couple of times a week our driveway is in a state of disrepair with large ruts everywhere. Since Sebastian also had a playdate today, I thought I would capitalize on the use of cheap labor. See I really am American! We set out down the driveway with wheelbarrow and shovels, looking for rocks to put in the ruts. First wheelbarrow of rocks toted no problem. Roarke gave up on the large shovel in 3 minutes, he´s 3 that´s his best apparently, whining "This shovel is too heavy!", so our guest Martin picks up the shovel and marches into the trenches. Bless your real heart Martin, you have way more stamina than my three children combined! Sebastian and Martin shoveled soil into the holes for about 8 minutes, Isabel pranced around sticking her feet in the muck, and then they left me to the job while they went off to Sebastian´s secret place among the trees. Hey, I want to go to a secret place too, where nothing is broken!

Left alone to do the job...I predicted as much, well Roarke was there complaining about dirt in his shoes. Is it immature to want to tell your 3 year old "I don´t care sweat is dripping in my cleavage and I´m hot and stinky!" Yes? Well, I didn´t say it, I just thought it. All in all I managed to fill half of one very long rut and have collected the third wheelbarrow full of rocks to start again tomorrow, probably alone. Wait, that gives me a great idea, if I say I don´t want their help, they´ll rush to help me. I am a genius!

Epilogue: This wouldn´t post while we drove Martin home, good luck, because there is more to the story. After coming home at 6:30pm, Sebastian decided he was going to take this road repair earnestly and went to work, I had to cook dinner. As Sebastian walked down the drive way he said "I´m going to help you mom because daddy isn´t here and we need to help you make things easier." What a smile he brought to my heart, 7 and 3/4 years old, off to fix the road. Also, notice how he calls me mom but Richard is still daddy. For his mother he will be strong and grown-up but for daddy...Sebastian doesn´t think his strength and courage are as large as the idea of just "dad". But I know better, he is a constant source of courage to me and once again my heart is overflowing from the little gifts one receives in a day. My son today carried one load in this life, for me, so I wouldn´t have to and that my friends is definitely something to be grateful for.

To the Owner

2008-09-10T19:35:00.003-05:00

To the owner of these formerly red shoes from Wal-Mart (George brand, you know it´s Wal-Mart): Don´t worry, we threw your shoes in the trash, after it floated across the lake to bend a sapling in half. Next time you may want to not shop at Wal-Mart for shoes, it´s apparent their product doesn´t stand the test of time.

Our Beautiful Kids

2008-09-10T19:17:00.004-05:00

Stopping my political heckling (thanks for the idea of professional heckler Duffy!) for a time, here is a brief interlude. I think my family is pretty fabulous, so of course I think you should also. By the way, my voice is dripping with sarcasm. No really, they are great and here they are.

This Is My Gardener

2008-09-10T19:09:00.003-05:00

This is my gardener, admit it, he´s hot! Especially in the cowboy hat, Sugar Daddy jammy botoms and toting a weed whacker.

Frankie pestering the large bull

2008-09-10T19:00:00.004-05:00

This is proof that our dog is crazy, look how she runs away from those horns, abandoning us! Well, not really, I managed to take this photo in the diversion while we were running up and away from where cloven hooves can go!

Ahh...the Weekend

2008-09-07T15:03:00.005-05:00

My weekend began Friday night with Roarke screaming at me from 8:30 at night until 9:50 pm when he gave up, exhausted, and went to sleep. Saturday Roarke woke up at 6:30 am and proceeded the angry fest from the previous night, "YOU. ARE. SO. MEAN. MOMMY!!!" Dude, I just woke up, I haven´t even had a chance to be mean. Well, we make it through Roarke´s anger gradually, by ignoring him while he tattoo´s his arms with a blood red marker. Now it´s official we are staying in for the day, Roarke refuses to wash off his tattoo´s and I refuse to receive the scorn of Mexican Señoras today because my kid is filthy, he did it , blame him, not me!!

Staying at home in the country with 3 kids can be so damn tedious. There are acres to run and play. Go away and play let me sit here with my Tecate at 2 in the afternoon, sheesh! Finally, I cave in and let them watch one movie, 5 minutes into the movie...boom! The power goes out. Is this a cosmic joke? Is this Rudolph Steiner haunting me and saying "You are a very bad Waldorf Mother, I will punish you now!" because it sure feels like it. What are we going to so now, because no one will go outside and play (what is WRONG with them?!!) Luckily I had just purchased watercolors pencils I set them up and cracked Tecate #2 (now we´re cooking) and we
drew some great pictures for daddy. All of the kids were amazed that this is a painting pencil, oh, the simple joys. Just as we were finishing up, the cows came to graze.

A herd of cows in the yard is an answer to one prayer, namely who will mow the grass while Richard is in the States? Then this herd of 22 loping animals came into the yard to help a sister out, thank goodness. Roarke and I walked among the cattle until Frankie, the dog, decided to go loca on the big white Brahma Bull that also has the largest horns of the group. He lowered his head and made for Frankie and I picked up Roarke and ran for higher ground, no time for painful buttocks while parenting solo! We went and watched the baby cows and were going up the stairs to our other patio when a big bull saw us and started ambling toward us, crikey enough with the bulls! Again I run away and this bull continues toward us. Just as I think he is going to fall down the stairs to the patio and we´ll have filet mignon and hamburgers, for free, for months he stops and just chews while watching us. I´ve had enough of the outdoor animals for a day so I go back inside to the indoor animals. Still no electricity. At 8:00 Saturday night I crank up the generator so I can sleep in my bed with only one kid, keep a hall light on and keep my food frozen.

At 8am on Sunday, the gas ran out of the generator, still no electricity. Called a neighbor, she had electricity so she calls CFE, the Mexican power company but the are unaware of any power outages. Later, Sebastian and Isabel are away, playing with friends so I managed a market date with Roarke. We ate a milanesa de pollo torta and had a giant serving of fresh squeezed orange juice for $30 pesos ($3USD). While eating at the little torta stand Roarke says "Look Mommy a bug!" Yes, it really is a cockroach climbing on my purse. I go to shake it off my purse and instead of landing on the floor, it lands on a little boys pant leg. Well, I can´t leave this kid with a cockroach climbing on him so I gently kick it off of him and try to squash it when it flips to his mothers shoe and disappears. Other Mother is looking at me like, "why the hell are you kicking my kid?" To which I can only say "Lo siento, es uno insecto." And that probably isn´t how you should really say it. When I finally sit down I think, oh, that cockroach came form this stand...hmmm, why are we the only one´s sitting here but all the rest are full? Oh shit, when will the salmonella begin, do I still have medicine...just then two people walk up to order "para llevar" so I feel a little bit better but I´ll let you know for sure in a couple of days if the roach was a foretelling of events to come.

That was enough excitement for me, we came home, filled up our gas can on the way home, which promptly tipped over in the back of the Land Rover when we went across the train tracks. Great now I have a stinking car, but, Roarke is asleep!! Now I feel like a rock star, but smell like a gas station attendant. We get home, no power. This is nuts, over 24 hours and no electricity!!!!! Some little voice in my head said, check the fuses. I am no DIY Queen, that would be my friend Kelly, but I check the fuses and discover why I have no electricity, burned out fuse. Well, I am certainly feeling proud of myself now, I still reek of gasoline and now I´ve fixed our electricity! This weekend I feel like I´ve graduated up to a new me, that doesn´t freak out over the inconsequential, well, except the roach and the bulls. When I step up to the plate I´m going to fix it and make it better, amazing what changing a fuse can do for my soul!

Apologies

2008-09-06T08:13:00.015-05:00

I am going to go out on a limb and apologize for bringing up the issue of Sarah Palin´s downs baby. This is why, this whole issue is a deviation from the seriousness of this election. Two weeks ago this was a non-issue for this election year, then John McCain picks this obscure woman, from obscurity land with minimal experience in the political realm, Republicans go ga-ga, a woman on the ticket, a working mother! Guess what, we are all working mothers, and as my friend Laura points out the Dem´s already put a woman on the ticket in 1984, Ferraro. This means for 24 long years women of the Republican party have waited to be put on the ticket. Hmmm....hardly the party for progress and if this is the best you can do, then really, you CAN give me a break because this is a farce. So I am sorry I played right into the hand of Republicans by reacting the way they wanted me to react.

This is not hate rhetoric being spewed by an Obama supporter. This is me, a woman looking at the qualifications necessary for a serious job. My point about the downs syndrome kid was this; anti-abortionists (and I´m using anti-abortion not pro-life from now on because as I posted previously I don´t think all anti-abortion advocates are pro-life across the board, neither am I, I believe it is a woman's choice to have an abortion, and I believe the children in this world deserve a civil society which does not endorse war or turn our heads away as children starve globally, I´m leaving at that.) are so proud of Palin not aborting a child with downs syndrome. I will freely admit that the statistics of aborted fetuses with downs syndrome is very high, I have problems with breeding a perfect baby because as I tell my kids "you get what you get and you don´t throw a fit." But that definitely does not put me in league with Sarah Palin or mean I think she is again...qualified.

At some point we have to come to the political round table and recognize what is truly important in an election, yet every election we the American public turn a blind eye to GLOBAL ISSUES and fall hook line and sinker for the abortion issue. So...there is a global economic disaster headed our way (which we started, aren´t we fab!), child-trafficking all over the world, wars in Africa where children tote guns to kill and be killed, entire ethnic populations are cleansed globally, the price of rice had inflated by 75% in April of this year continuing to climb hence, death from hunger is on the rise. Yet let us insulate ourselves from these issues, and turn the election process into a sideshow based on Palin; her bangs, her downs syndrome baby, her gun toting, her pregnant teenager. I swear this is the sort of thing Karl Rove and his cronies would craft. Should you actually want to learn about the new crafters of the neo-con Republican Party click on the title of this post, it will take you to "Capitol Crimes" on Bill Moyers Journal at PBS.org.

Overall, I see the GOP as out of touch with the public. I believe the level of bigotry in the GOP party has always been out of control, I grew up in a sea of Republicanism so don´t even try to dispute that fact, I have ears that heard all the nasty words about gender, color, religion, and I will be forced to call you mis-informed if someone says otherwise. Do all the candidates have flaws, absolutely! But McCain/Palin I cannot endorse just because a vagina is on the ticket and am disappointed that once again, come election time we aren´t talking about the issues we all face everyday. REAL ISSUE: Jobs lost in August in the U.S. 84K, that leaves an unemployment rate of 6.1%, healthy economies need to see unemployment in the range of 3-4%. REAL ISSUE: $575 billion dollar war in Iraq. Our economy is sick and it needs fixing, that is a HUGE priority. McCain and Palin here is what I say; Sarah, honey, stay out of my vagina, I´ll stay out of yours. McCain if you can´t fix my pocketbook and can´t make peace but can make war, please excuse yourself and your precious puppet from center stage and fall back into oblivion, I need some real change in my life and Bush Light and Ms. Bangs aren´t doing it for me.

New Thoughts On Supply and Demand

2008-09-05T12:10:00.006-05:00

So, I just got off the phone with a friend, she tells me gas is $4 something a gallon in Indianapolis. HUH? The price of oil has gone down drastically, how is this possible? Consumption of the product is down, what in the world is going on, this is not following economic models, by golly! Well, I did say in a "perfect market" in my previous post. We are living in a flawed market, which means our wallets are still empty. Collectively we are saying, as we avoid the gas pump, "this is crazy!" and the consumer is being totally ignored. I´m still proud of the decrease in consumption and still raging at the oil industries, they have us by the short hairs people! However, maybe this is all a ploy to initiate folks into green energy, okay, I´m all settled down now. Still, the oil companies are wrong. In our protest of gas prices, let´s take this opportunity to cut down our dependence on oil, and I say this as a 2 car family (not small cars either). With that it appears that this weekends project for the kids will be...drumroll...build our family a solar powered car (after all we´re in Mexico, plenty of sunlight!). They should be done by the year 2020.

The Real Power of Supply and Demand

2008-09-04T22:00:00.005-05:00

My hobby has become the study of global economy. I watch currencies like a hawk, because Richard does intraday trading on the FOREX market, and am fascinated. When I was taking economics in college, why did no professor really show you how a market works, how all these bits and pieces tie in to strengthen or weaken currencies. Maybe that came in later but I was so bored with Econ-101 I thought my eyeballs would fall out of my head. The one lesson I recall is the law of supply and demand. In a perfect market, the supply of a product goes up when the price grows beyond equilibruim, this means your demand is shifting downward.

Over the past several months, we have all watched in disbelief as the demand for the dollar has been regarded as the red-headed step child of the global markets. Low dollar meant skyrocketing oil prices, of course inflation. The standard of measure for oil is the dollar, if the dollar goes down, oil producers have to raise prices to make a lousy buck. I mean come on what else would you have them do! What the oil producers forgot about were their customers, those of us that own cars and drive and fly away for lovely summer vacations.

Guess what you the consumer did! You drove down the price of oil by cutting consumption. That is an amazing effort, especially in the States where public transport is sketchy in most places. The price of oil has dropped from an all time high of $147.27 a barrel in July to almost $108 a barrel today. That my friends is a real lesson in supply and demand now the oil producers are listening, I think.

Well, this is what Market News had to say about oil, you will all be very interested, even though this is a boring subject, this is your real money after all!

OPEC meets on Sept. 9, with some expectations the cartel may opt to
cut oil prices to prevent a build-up of surplus stocks that could deepen
the slump slump in prices, which have fallen sharply from a July record
high of $147.27 a barrel.

Iran has said the producer group may need to cut oil supplies by as
much as 1.5 million barrels per day, or nearly 5%, to balance global
markets by early next year.

The U.S. government inventory data also showed total demand for oil
products, such as gasoline and distillates, over the past four weeks,
fell 3.5% from a year ago, continuing a trend of weak consumption in the
midst of an economic downturn.

Okay, okay, so we aren´t out of the woods yet, but look at the statistic out of Iran, they will have to cut oil production by up to 1.5 million a day. That is crazy and amazing. Look how much gasoline consumption has gown daown from one year ago, 3.5% may not sound like enough but that´s a start. Times are tough and we are finally exercising our rights via our wallets to say "Enough already, you are flippin´ bankrupting me to go to the grocery store." We are still worth something people and it makes me proud.

Sarah Palin´s Downs Syndrome Child

2008-09-04T12:41:00.005-05:00

So, I really have to add one more thing in my rant against Palin. Go back to 2005, I was turning 35 and pregnant with Roarke. My midwife asked me, as she is required by law to do, would you like to have an amniocentisis done? I asked of course, why? Well, you are getting older and the risk of birth defect increases with age. I pondered for a moment when Betsy my midwife said "Elizabeth, will you love your child any less if there is a defect?" my response "Absolutely not! Forget the amnio, it´s risky, especially for the baby, we´ll deal with birth defects later on if there are any." To the media, who cares that Palin knew her baby had downs syndrome and didn´t get an abortion, would other women? Maybe, most likely not. Because she has a baby with down´s syndrome her job as a provider becomes a bit harder, but let´s not hand out medals here. If she is so anti-abortion, why bother with a tricky amnio, just to prepare yourself? Inherent in motherhood is the situation of never being totally prepared, don´t play yourself to be the heroine Palin because you choose to have the baby with Down´s Syndrome and not abort. A friend of mine recanted what her father-in-law says "I´m against post-natal abortion." Me too. There I´ve said it, hate me if you will but I´m tired of the hullabaloo. Good for her, she´s a female on the Republican ticket (gasp!), that doesn´t mean she is qualified to lead the citizens of the U.S. Get to the real issues, like fixing the economy and bringing soldiers home alive from a fruitless occupation of Iraq, oh wait we can´t because we´ve schismed that country. Oh, what to do...

Train Wreck Headed Our Way!

2008-09-02T17:00:00.008-05:00

Most of you know I have fairly liberal ideas of the role the United States should play for us citizens and our global neighbors. Looking at the hub-bub around Sarah Palin´s nomination for V.P. is bringing a rage in my soul. Today I searched for information on why I should want her to be No.2 for my country, I found very few reasons why I should. I have been a registered voter since 1988 when at the behest of my dad, I voted for Bush Sr. After the debacle that came with the reign of George the first, I made a pact with myself that I would vote with my head and my heart and not just vote a party in. Since 1988 I have been waiting for a woman to be on the ticket, regardless of party and see can she speak for me and my family? This is what Palin said that has my ire up and I want to whack her between the eyes with a spoon that has been at the bottom of a deep freezer for ten years, so cold it will stick to her cranium and wake this woman up!

"Pray for our military men and women who are striving to do what is right. Also, for this country, that our leaders, our national leaders, are sending [U.S. soldiers] out on a task that is from God. That's what we have to make sure that we're praying for, that there is a plan and that plan is God's will." -Sarah Palin

Are you even kidding me? Do not presume to have a personal telephone line with a God that sends sons and daughters to war to kill or be killed. Every day I say to my boys, no guns allowed, people with guns can kill other people. Yes I know, people can die and be killed in a multitude of ways but war...what has the war in Iraq solved for us? Osama bin Laden is still on the loose apparently so why the hell occupy Iraq? Sadam Hussein would never have allowed bin Laden in his country, he was a megalomaniac and supreme dictator, he would never have sought an alliance or allowed someone else to rule over him.(Case in point, The U.S. put him in power, he got power hungry to rule his own country without our intervention, we bagged him.) Please tell all of the loved ones of the 4,152 dead soldiers that you are praying for a plan that is God´s will, all I see is a gross abuse of tax dollars and the reverence for life. The God I believe in is not the poster dude or spokesman for your war.

Palin says she is anti-abortion, hey I am pro-life also! I´ve chosen my path as a mother but stay out of my daughter´s body. My goal is to rear children that respect life in utero AND the people in this world, it is the job of a parent to teach that indeed your body is a temple and you must respect all human beings. However, Voltaire once said: "I may not agree with what you say but I will defend to my death your right to say it." Palin, say what you want I will defend your right. I will also defend my daughter´s right to have some autonomy over her body if I know she has come to the best decision for herself and is within her constitutional rights. Having children is hard, I won´t resign a 17 to raise a baby unless I feel I can step in an be a good guide. Kudos to Palin for stepping up to that plate, she is standing up for what she feels is right, let my family stand up for our values. War is not one of our family values because we are pro-life.

The pro-life debate has long been a bone of contention for me when I meet anti-abortionists because I want to know; are you anti-war and pro-peace, are you against the death penalty, are you pro-adoption, if you are white would you adopt a child of color? Because if you respect life this much, your view should rightfully encompass all living beings otherwise I am want to use the H-word, hypocrite, in capital letters. I could rant on this subject for paragraphs because of the incongruities but on to the next quote which irritated me.

"I think God's will has to be done in unifying people and companies to get the gas line built, so pray for that."- Sarah Palin

HI-larious. So big business is God´s will? Getting a gas-line built and drilling for oil (which oil industry admits will take about 10 years to accomplish) is God´s will? Hmmm...it becomes clear with that statement that it is God´s will we wreak havoc on this beautiful planet that is bountiful for all creatures. But we humans apparently have divine right to treat the planet with reckless abandon. Get a smaller car, get a bicycle, go solar, become a better steward of how you use the finite supply of natural resources which is God´s gift to all of us, not just the companies that supply the consumer. I´m one of the people and I am not interested in drilling for more oil, I´m interested in real long-term solutions so this old world will be here for my great-great grandchildren.

So let´s talk about poverty for minute. This info came across Reuters today:

"As the convention was under way on Tuesday, a peaceful march on behalf of poor people by more than 1,000 demonstrators led to a brief confrontation of some of them with police. Pepper spray and teargas were used to drive the protesters away from the downtown Xcel Energy Center where the convention was being held."

Why was there even a kerfuffle? Poverty is an issue IN the United States, especially with the dollar loosing reputation and the sub-prime crisis the great Republic of States created. Poverty is not just inner-city these days, it´s people like me that were middle class until the sub-prime crisis swept away my husband´s lucrative commercial construction business. The blurb says a peaceful march, how did it come to tear gas and pepper spray to drive protesters away? We the people are listening to what the politicians say, we are force fed all of their opinions. Politicians should have to listen to the people and like Voltaire says ¨defend to the death your right to say it." Apparently not the case, it will earn you itchy eyes and you will choke as tears run down your face while your voice is silenced.

This is my rant, I am one p-o´ed citizen of the United States. What is worse, I have no control over the sinking of the Republic, I can only vote and pray that my absentee ballot will be counted this election. Sarah Palin, I am praying that God has a plan for us, all of us, to unify we the people and hold irresponsible politicians (republican, democrat, libertarian, hell you could be martian for all I care at this point!) to task. I pray to God that war will end and reparations can be made for the lives lost. I´m praying that poverty becomes non-existent and no one on this planet has to perish because they are malnourished. I think this would be more in line with God´s will and I think Jesus is rooting for this also. Jesus was one of the greatest revolutionaries of a millennium taking a stand for the little guy, like you and me, and I think Jesus would be greatly offended that this woman is asking God´s will be to unify the people and companies to get a gas line built.

Fortitude

2008-08-29T11:15:00.005-05:00

We live out in the country, about 10 minutes from town which means I do a fair amount of driving: getting kids to and from school, picking up Martha (our personal saint that just happens to keep our home organized and clean!) and all the errands to do in a day. In my daily comings and goings there is a woman that is also going about her day on foot with her children. This other mother is a tiny Mexican woman, you can see the Indian influence in her face, there are no Spanish features about her, she is short, dark, with jet black hair and has the most beautiful cheekbones. Generally she is carrying her baby in her rebozo, holding the hand of a 2 or 3 year old, while her other three chidren are older and walk on their own.

This is where I see her walking with her children: To school, about 1 kilometer away but on narrow dirt and cobblestone roads with a fair amount of traffic. To get water from a local pump, she crarries two 5 gallon buckets, attached to a limb, across her back full of water, I would say that is about 50 kilos, or around 100 pounds (her son also takes the wheelbarrow and pushes 100 pounds of water, he looks to be around 10). To wash the family clothes in the nearby alfalfa field. Her oldest daughter carries the wash tub, the second daughter tends to the toddler, the 10 year old boy pushes the wheelbarrow with the clothes and the baby in it and she carries more clothes in her two 5 pound bucket yoke. I've watched them all go into the field and help their mother wash their clothes by hand or tend to the little ones making sure they stay out of the road.

One day the family was in their usual laundry spot which faces another field, it is wide open to the western sky and the Sierra de Guanajuato Mountain range. There was a particularly beautiful sunset that night and the oldest daughter was facing west, transfixed by a moment. Disclaimer: I don't profess to be a shaman! But suddenly everything in this young girls life opened to me as I watched her, she was absorbed in the last embers of the day and looked so fiercely fragile, like she was longing to jump into the sky over those far away mountains. The way she looked at her landscape seemed to fill her with hope and this crazy otherworldly glow was all around her head. When I drove by I said outloud to myself "I have just seen her hopes and fears and the solace that she seeks". This was a rare moment, I was driving completely alone and going very slow so I could savor quiet moments and what a gift I received in those precious few moments. When I see her now I want to weep because she represents to me the proverbial flower in a hailstorm, something so beautiful but with such fortitude she cannot, willnot let herself be destroyed by what is ugly in this life.

More often though I see her mother, walking, walking, walking, always in the opposite direction of which I am going, which adds to the juxtaposition of our lives. I can tell you her entire wardrobe; 1 black skirt, 1 khaki skirt, 1 white blouse, 1 tan blouse, 1 red sweater, 1 black rebozo, 1 pair of dusty black shoes. Her legs are always dusty from the walking, her hair a bit disheveled. Her expression is never one of joy, sorrow or anger, she looks indifferent to the world, this world simply is, nothing more or less. When I drive by this Mexican mother I feel so guilty in my life of relative priviledge, guilty for the fears I have, shame for every time I speak harsh words to my children or refuse to take three children somewhere by myself, because it's a hassel. Everyday this other mother walks the road with her children and her children recognize they have to work with their mother, they cannot survive without each other.

Please don't think I am romanticizing their life, it must be hard beyond my belief. I am trying to understand why this is still how the majority of the world lives, it's real, it's in my face and I cannot stop thinking about this family. The world I inhabit has running water, washing machines, maids, concrete floors, cars to drive, I feel like her evil twin when I drive by. We are polar opposites and I wonder, if I am faced with her level of poverty could I even stand up in a day and walk half of the miles she can with such grace?

School Time!

2008-08-25T09:44:00.003-05:00

This morning, Sebastian and Isabel headed off to school, can you hear me breathing a sigh of release? Roarke will be enrolled this week and go for his trial period to see if he can adapt to Waldorf and if Ireti, the maestra, can handle our little firecracker. Something in me says; "argh the kid is so energetic and used to freeplay he'll hate it!" The larger part of me says; "okay, Ireti is the kindest, most patient woman I have ever met an she will be a boon for Roarke's development"; and secretly (though not a secret anymore) I think; "they are going to kick him out of school and say 'go somewhere else!'" What I really think is that I am needlessly putting myself on edge over something so minor, best to let it go. How does one do that?

Most of the morning went well. Lots of mud and puddles to drive through on the way to school, there is a new road being built to the school, still a dirt road but new dirt (which the rain is washing downhill, smart! in this land of abundant concrete, why are roads not concrete?) and now there are two school buses, progress! Sebastian went to his room without a hitch, his maestro moves up in grades with the children, why isn't this done everywhere? You spend so much time getting your kid geared up for school, intitating a working relationship with the teacher and then boom, school is over go to the next grade, say good-bye to this teacher that knows you so well, and godspeed to the next teacher that you have no relationship with, whew, that was a vent! Instead, once in primary grades at Waldorf, teachers move with you and therefore know how to teach to a group while paying attention to the individual needs. I know that when my kids go to school their whole being will be attended to, what a blessing.

Isabel, that wasn't so easy, she did change maestras and classrooms, she wrapped her hands around my inner thigh and buried her head in my stomach refusing to move. She is one tough customer, Sebastian and I have been trying to sell her on her new teacher for over a month. Isabel loves crafting and projects so I baited her with that, Maestra Lucy will teach you how to knit! (Because your mama sucks at handcrafts!)You will get to sew and paint and be with friends instead of your cranky mother, won't that be fun!! It will for me, apparently, not so much for her. So, she refused to go to Ms. Lucy and went to Ireti, Santa Ireti, and I left her smiling but in the wrong classroom, with assurances she would end up in the right classroom.

Officially we are back in the swing of things, life seems much more purposeful with the start of school. Gone are the days of sleeping in until 8:00 in the morning and freeplay all day long, the every once in a while trips to town. I miss the sleepy days of summer vacation but now I don't feel like we are all free falling and have no idea what to do with ourselves, I'm enjoying a rythym.

P.S. No Photos, camera is a failed piece of modern techonology!

Catching Rainbows

2008-08-20T17:30:00.002-05:00

And another thing that makes me happy, digitally capturing Isabel capturing Rainbows in her hand. This photo may look like a small hand just raised up in front of the lens, but the simple beauty of that one moment will live in my soul for a long time. I love that children will stretch to the limits of what is known and unknown and capture the presumed impossibilities of this universe. I love this particular small hand and all she grasps in a day, a hairbrush, mud, gems, insects and flowers, all of it so gorgoeus and sumptuous, my heart seems to burst from an overload in my joy breaker switch. Home, little hands, dusk and a sliver of a rainbow, such simple gifts.

A Short List of Happiness

2008-08-20T16:04:00.003-05:00

Can I just tell you all that I love blogging, this is as close as it gets to memoir writing for me. The downside is that I like to get heavy and bitchy and then no one wants to visit my blog to see how I´m doing. So I have welcomed some sunshine into my life to reverse the possible opinion that I am morose.

Sunshine point #1: My kids go to school on Monday, all of them. Soon the wacky world of Waldorf will recommence. During the first festival of the season last year there was a game where the kids could jump over a campfire. WOW! Can´t wait for that activity again.

Moonlight point #1: Three sleeping children. I can hear the crickets and frogs, moths beating their wings in a frantic search for light, and a pesky mosquito in my ear. I do not hear any chickens though, am I really in Mexico? The frosting on this nocturnal cake...watching Darjeeling Limited without Roarke constantly saying "I like the guys on the train, they´re funny mommy.he-he-he-he-he!"

Sunshine point #2: Watching an eagle catch thermals over our house with Miss Isabel. The wing span was around 5 feet, but then my spatial skills suck, it was a large eagle, I´ll leave it at that. We have lots of yummy mice and snakes to eat so help yourself Majestic Eagle and keep coming back, we think you´re really cool!

Moonlight point #2: Seeing Tom Robbins in a small auditorium with friends. Mr. Tom Robbins spoke of his love for the language of the story, our interconnectedness with all things, and the utmost importance of the goofiness in life. Tom also warns against mediocrity in writing, it is a hairball from a poisoness cat, best to be avoided. While I cannot promise stunning metaphors like Tom Robbins, I promise to spark laughter or action in your three pound universe.

There it is a short list of my happiness over the past two days; they were days that tasted like homemade chocolate brownies with extra chocolate chips, so gooey I had to keep licking my fingers.

From the Land of Squat Houses to McMansions to Shannon Avenue

2008-08-13T21:13:00.005-05:00

I just read a posting on Freakonomics questioning the sustainability of suburbia, what will happen to all those houses that contributed to the housing bubble? This is a question Richard and I have pondered when we drive past say, Misty Pines, and there is an absence of any trees, or maybe...Fawn Lakes, where the only lake in the local drainage pond and the fawn is more likely to be a resin lawn ornament than an actual animal. All we see are variations on a theme for housing and a whole lot of beige. This is my encounter with suburbia.

In 2000, we started our housing search and looked at so many houses my eyeballs hurt. There was only one other house that was memorable for us but, for all the wrong reasons, it happened to be a Country Wide home. Upon pulling into the driveway Richard remarked: "Good Lord, we couldn't even have two beers and try to come home, we'd never find our house. These pieces of crap all look the same!" And then we broke into "Once in a Lifetime" by Talking Heads singing "this is not my beautiful house, this is not my beautiful wife, well, how did I get here?!" My analysis of Country Wide subdivisions: "If I have to live here, I'll slit my wrists within six months." Richard's analysis: "Honey, you are looking at the future slums of America, congratulations Country Wide."

While the search for a house to call home was commencing, we were living in basically the slums, in a charming half double. We were the minorities in the neighborhood and local food source for any child willing to eat vegetables. The houses in our neighborhood were built from late 1890's to around mid 1930's, former farmland parceled out to bring money to a family and build more homes for the increasing population. Never was I so happy to return to our "shitty Keystone Avenue" (a term coined by a friend, not me!) after the ghastly viewing of what Country Wide did not have to offer. Where was the charm, dignity and pedestrians of a neighborhood? All I saw that day were garages as front doors, the kind where you drive in , shut the door and then punch the alarm code in to enter a door that leads somewhere into a house. Thanks but no thanks, borrowing yet again from the Talking Heads "I wouldn't live there, if you paid me to!"

That said, I'll tell you of the suburbia I grew up in, I call it the land of squat houses, not affectionately either. Our house was "ranch style", which really means flat and built on a concrete slab, built in the mid-50's by National Homes. How I hated ranch homes growing up, no stairs in the house, no front porch to sit on and spy on your neighbors, no floors with floorboards that creaked when you walked on them, no arched doorways, no fireplace. You can see, my list of requirements is high. I wanted to live in a house with character; warm my bones and naked children in front of a wood burning fireplace, live in a house where the basement is dug into the earth, rooting the house and my family (and can store all my stuff!)

Deciding against the new suburbia helped us seek out and find a gem for a home, to fit us perfectly and root our family. We opted out of a McMansion, out of the "appeal" of shopping centers full of the latest and greatest consumer goods, and chose the nuts and bolts of what a neighborhood needs to function. We chose sidewalks, porches, a grocery store at the end of the street, a thrift store 5 minutes away, a park 8 minutes away,people walking dogs or children, and a church as the navel of the neighborhood. Even though we didn't attend Little Flower, my sacred self loved that this neighborhood was built around the church, a beautiful metaphor. Purchasing our 65 year old home required acceptance: of other people's decades of dirt, their emerald green carpet, their vintage Florida orange keyhook with keys to the unknown, we knew we were home, rooted.

Easily we could have obtained a larger mortgage, moved to the 'burbs to live in a pre-fab house with a 2 car garage, but our souls screamed out "You two people cannot!" Suburbia would not have sustained our family happily, it was missing all the charm, dignity and quirkiness you get when your home is built in 1936. Richard and I had finally shrugged off the confines of suburban baggage and made a home for our family outside of the canned, processed and highly marketed housing market.

The neighborhoods we (Richard and myself) grew up in as children have suffered from "white flight" and the loss of middle-class families, the properties are ill cared for by landlords and the crime rate is inching it's way up, National Homes are becoming inner city homes. Downtown, where formerly the poor were annexed, has seen skyrocketing property values and the middle class, largely, is flying to the suburbia formerly known as farmland, those with less economic power have very few choices but to move to the old suburbia I grew up in. But not to worry, when those houses wear out, Country Wide has supplied us with a fresh batch of future slums. Now ask yourselves a couple of more questions; What shall we do when there is no land left to farm on? And another thing... the $25 billion bailout of Fannie and Freddie, don't we the people logically own all those houses in foreclosure since we bailed public lenders out? Looks like we just paid for the next wave of public housing, but then what do I know, I was only a B+ student.

P.S. That is our lovely home in the picture, you can see why we chose to live there!

Our Two Year Anniversary

2008-08-09T16:37:00.006-05:00

The end of August marks the two year anniversary for the Cloyd-Annarino´s in Mexico. I remember telling friends and family we were moving here for one year, usually people asked "why?". (But not in a hey, how great, why? More like why on earth would you want to do that? why.) So I crafted a two part answer; a.) to become bi-lingual, especially the kids b.) why not? Life is a short adventure in itself, why not stretch the boundaries of where you think you belong?

And then we drove down to Mexico. I have to fess up to shopping at Wal-Mart in the next town over our first weekend here. I was aghast $65 pesos (about 5.50 USD at the time) for a 2-pack of Bounty paper towels, no quinoa, no yummy Trader Joe´s sauces, ice cream made with vegetable oil (gross!). Culture shock set in, how to make my family comfortable without what I deemed creature comforts. Well, of course that is part of the experience, I knew it would be coming, but in the midst of culture shock there can be a feeling of extreme immobility. The ability to make simple choices seemed an enormous undertaking, simple tasks were daunting. Just turning on my stove to cook was a chore, because the stove didn´t just turn on, you had to light it. Now this is no big deal to me, it was a dumb thing to even get my panties in a bunch over, but I did, that is how freaked out I was.

The hardest part of all was leaving friends and family behind, but i thought optimistically "family will want to visit" and as far as friends...Nimrods had been in Lincoln for one year at that point and Duffýs were moving to Shelbyville. Our luxurious days of laughing kids, messy homes, coffee, yummy baked goods and hours of intelligent, quality conversation were dear memories. There were many more friends left behind but My Shannon Ave was a wave that had reached it´s shore, time to find a new wave. About 2 months after living here the illnesses set in: typhoid, samonella, parasites galore...ugh, the bodily fluids we experienced during our first six months, I don´t wish it upon anyone in this world, except G.W. Bush, so he may know how the majority of the world population lives. The constant train of illness at our door made me thankful we had money to pay for healthcare, people die from the things we had, especially children. Thankfully ours did not.

In the first six months in Mexico I did whine so much "I just want to go home". So when did the shift occur for me? I can´t remember when it was, it was a gradual shift in my heart, a subtle taking over. Maybe it was six months free of any illnesses, maybe moving to the counrty where the patio walls were gone and so were the million curious Mexican kids peeping in our kitchen window, all day, every day. Perhaps it was the day Bash used the verb "tomar" perfectly when speaking with Martha and suddenly he knew more Spanish than me. The million little pieces filled into my heart, filled it up and made me love the place where I was, for the second time in my life.

I don´t whine, as much anyway, about the "limitations" I used to experience. Now they aren´t limitations, just the way things are. There is no Target, no Value Village, no Trader Joe´s...I can live through my longing to visit those places regularly. My friendship support network is expanding, I´ll never be able to duplicate the simple beauties of Shannon Ave., that was a rare intersection of wonderfulness. Mexico offers a different intersection if wonderfulness and I am wrapping myself in the sweetness of this experience.

Many times people have called me "brave" but I wanted you to all know, I don´t have any special brand of bravery, indeed I´m a bit of a chicken heart. What I have is an urge to be in the world, to understand a day in the life of someone else, a desire for adventure that changes your heart and your view of the world. Call me naïve but I still give merit to the impact one person can have on the whole world, for the better. A person doesn´t need to leave their town, their country, to do all these things but I had to, I had to prove to myself that maybe there really is a layer of bravery in my bones. I think I finally approve of me, on my merits, my actions and I´m looking foward to our changes during this next year.

To Be Grateful For Today...

2008-08-06T20:27:00.002-05:00

legos on a king size sheet, children's laughter shaking the trees, playdates and sleepovers, a herd of brahma cows and baby goats eating our grass, shepherd boys, water, take out pizza, the absence of voices, wind kissing trees, bumble bees buzzing, dripping flowers, pink and brown dog licking my toe, crescent moon, house lights blinking across the lake, moonlight turning water silver, my children, my husband, being alive!

What are you grateful for this day my friend?

Angry Ex-Patriate Here!

2008-07-30T19:00:00.003-05:00

Today, I was talking with our maid Martha (pronounced Marta)and I am really angry at my country, the good ol' U.S.A., this is why:

Martha's sister lives in Texas, legally I want to add, her sister has lived in Dallas for 8 years, she works for a company that exports clothes from Mexico to the States and is bi-lingual. Martha's sister (I don't know her name) is going to have her first baby in August, how exciting! I asked Martha if their mom and dad are able to go visit the Texas sister, she told me no. Of course I ask "por que?" because if it's money, I'll start a fund-raiser for them. But no, the answer is not money,the answer is Martha's parents can't get a visa.

well,I looked at the exchange rate for the dollar versus the peso, the dollar is the weaker of the two currencies, surprise, surprise. Well, this is a surprise to most Americans living here. Our family came here because yes, it was less expensive but there is a quality of life here that we do not have in the states. Here is where my anger starts, this country, Mexico, which most people in the states consider to be a third world economy, has a stronger financial base than the U.S. right now and probably in the years to come also! Why can Martha's parents not get a visa to visit their grandchild? Matha's mama and papa don't even want to live in the states, who would right now, an idiot is running the country and has driven a once strong country and strong economy into the ground. Meanwhile around the world other countries look at Americans with scorn. What are Americans so afraid of? Why can't my maid's parents visit the States for one week, American has ceased to become the shizzle-dizzle. If someone can answer this question please do!

Finally,I come to my most vehement of rants, let me say I did not vote for G.W. because I was afraid of what his politics would do to my country. And now the writing is on the wall, George the II has tanked us, you and me the middle class folk and I am pissed beyond belief at him, his cronies and the people that paid him into office. Why aren't we as Americans holding G.W. accountable for this disaster, indeed global disaster? Our forefathers are turning in their graves while the American public sits almost catatonic, unable to believe the situation we are all in.

To my friends and family that read this, I know some of you pulled the republican lever twice for him and I love you, but I am angry at him and his inattention to what the public needs. We aren't personal friends of the Pres, but "we the people" are the greatest asset of the United States and yet our politicians largely do not feel accountable to us! This is so grossly negligent that the call for revolution should be on all of our lips, why have we lost our collective voice for change?

Putting it all in Perspective

2008-07-23T18:26:00.002-05:00

I finished my last post as BBC World was coming on. Oxfam has put out a statistic that is staggering, the price of rice has risen 360% in parts of the world. Camels are dying in Ethiopia, the ships of the desert, how can a child be expected to survive there? This makes my mother heart weep more than being stuck in a car for 9 hours with people I love, albeit, annoying people.Please follow this link to BBC World in case you, like me, need to put it all back into perspective.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/7522626.stm

New visas, 9 hours in a car and Target in Texas

2008-07-23T17:21:00.003-05:00

So, because I hate filing paperwork our family of so-called "ex-patriates" (though I don't remember divorcing my country, just G.W. Bush) must leave Mexico every six months to renew our visas. The price of airline tickets decided for us that we would just go to Target, I mean Texas, to get our visas. Oh Good Lord!! How I dislike being stuck in a car with 1,2,3 whiners for 9 hours. How many of you have ever driven into the United States from Mexico? It sucks, even with your passport from the U.S. the border patrol assumes you are up to no-good. When did travel between countries become so...looking for a word...can't find a word, ah ha, such a subject for animosity? Aren't we all on the same team, which is the human team not the "American" or "Mexican" team? Well, moving to today.

Currently we are hanging out in the Hampton Inn in Laredo, Texas, woohoo, good times!
The pool here is closed for cleaning, the skies are grey from Hurrican Dolly casting her shadow over southern Texas and at 10:30 last night the heat index was a steamy 94degrees. At this point I am going to become the whiner. Wahhhhhh, I want to go home! I don't want to be stuck in this room anymore and I don't want to go back to Target with 3 kids again, carts for multiple children are not meant for their skinny aisles or Roarke ("hehe I'm Indiana Jones, look here's my whip!" [the whip incidentally is at the front end of my limo-cart on the bottom rack and is a piece of black plastic about two inches long, no I'm not exaggerating!]). Will this trip be worth saving $3000+ in airfare? That will all depend on how great the clearance deals are at Target and if I find a good thrift store!

Roarke is three

2008-07-14T10:35:00.003-05:00

Well, I cannot believe it has been 3 years since Roarke came into this world. My pregnancy, that I even was pregnant being on the pill and breastfeeding I thought I was safe, was a source of amazement to me for 9 months. Every day I wake up and see his sleepy face, mouth hanging open, arms and legs akimbo, I am still amazed. Why did he want into this crazy world so badly, and why did he choose us? We are good people, don't get me wrong, I just think I am ill equipped for being patient enough to deal with children, especially this 3 year old. So, Roarke Sinclair, I am honored to be your mama, even in the ugly moments. I am not quite sure of the lessons in store for me while we walk through this life, but if you have the patience to teach me, I will listen and learn.

Such a perfect day

2008-07-14T10:06:00.000-05:00

The winds kicked up heavy over the presa last week and we took the opportunity to fly a kite in July, a first for everyone!

and still it rains

2008-07-09T16:44:00.000-05:00

Does everyone know how much I hate tennis shoes? Well I despise them. They should be called foot prisons. As for fashion, how could these foot prisons ever be fashionable? The only saving grace is they are so yucky, I don't care when there is 3 inches of mud caked to them. San Miguel has been rained upon for 3 straight days, no sun only gray skies, I feel like I'm in the States in the Mid-West! Now that the presa is almost full, the rains can stop for one week, I need to wear pretty shoes again. Say what you will, but do not come between me and my fancy shoes!

The Lovely Maguey

2008-07-09T16:33:00.000-05:00

Unlikely companions

2008-07-09T16:29:00.000-05:00

a growing nopal and a mushroom, prickly and porous, hard and soft. side by side.